Some people say that history offers no practical benefits to society while other claim the history teaches us to understand the present. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

Nowadays, attaining a certificate in something is deemed
as
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a necessity by many in society.
However
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, some people disagree with
this
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notion for certain reasons. I am of the opinion that tertiary study is overrated because some individuals excel well in life without it.
To begin
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with, our ancestors lived fully without degrees. They survived and had better health than most people living in contemporary
.
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times.
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Another point to note is that
,
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having a university education does not mean automatic success.
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, most graduates in Zimbabwe are not employed despite their qualifications. Some have resorted to vending and farming.
Therefore
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, I think going to university does not mean excelling in life because with a qualification, one can still suffer.
On the other hand
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, certain individuals are of the thought that holding a degree is a means to success. They argue that education opens opportunities which cannot be opened when uneducated. To exemplify, one cannot be a doctor without literacy.
However
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, I think
this
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is untrue
because
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because,
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a long time ago and even in
this
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century , there
are
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were
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traditional doctors who did not attend any school , but they
heal
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healed
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the sick . Some of their methods work better than the doctors' medication. In conclusion, the essay above discusses the view that learning at a university means prosperity in life. Both views for and against have been discussed at length. I think having a degree or certificate does not guarantee any success because people who did not go to tertiary schools can make a better living than those who did.

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Task Response
Make your intro clear: state your main view and what you will talk about in two sentences.
Coherence and Cohesion
Put each idea in its own paragraph with a clear topic sentence so the flow is easy to follow.
Task Response
Explain more on why some people do well without a degree and also why others think a degree helps; give some serious analysis, not only facts.
Task Response
Use better and more linked examples that fit the point you make.
Language
Fix grammar mistakes, use the same tense, and choose simple words for easy reading.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use linking words (for example, 'but', 'also', 'however', 'therefore') to show cause and effect and order of ideas.
Strength
The writer shows a clear view at the end.
Strength
The essay tries to discuss both sides.
Strength
There are some real examples used (Zimbabwe, traditional doctors).
Strength
A simple, step-by-step paragraph setup is in place.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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