IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that good health is a basic human need, so the medical service should not be run by profit-making companies. To what extent do the advantages of private healthcare outweigh the disadvantages?

Health is one of the most essential human needs.
Therefore
Linking Words
, some people argue that medical
services
Use synonyms
 should not be controlled by profit-making companies.
Although
Linking Words
 private
healthcare
Use synonyms
 can provide better quality and faster
treatment
Use synonyms
, it is often too expensive, so not
everyone
Use synonyms
 can afford it. I believe that the disadvantages of private
healthcare
Use synonyms
 outweigh its advantages. At the present time, private medical
services
Use synonyms
 are developing rapidly, and they offer many benefits.
For instance
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, they have state-of-the-art equipment, clean and comfortable rooms and professional doctors.
As a result
Linking Words
, patients can receive
treatment
Use synonyms
 more effectively and recover faster.
However
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, these
services
Use synonyms
 depend heavily on money, and some people cannot afford them, even when they are seriously ill. From my point of view,
healthcare
Use synonyms
 should be affordable for
everyone
Use synonyms
 because health is a basic human right.
On the other hand
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, when
healthcare
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
 are run by the government, they can be more accessible to
everyone
Use synonyms
, regardless of their income. Public hospitals might not offer the same level of comfort as private ones, but they can
also
Linking Words
 provide fundamental
treatment
Use synonyms
 for all citizens.
Moreover
Linking Words
, government-funded
healthcare
Use synonyms
 systems can reduce inequality and ensure that even poor people receive proper medical care.
For
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this
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 reason, I believe that medical
services
Use synonyms
 should be managed by the government rather than profit-making companies. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 private
healthcare
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
 offer many modern facilities and high-quality
treatment
Use synonyms
,
healthcare
Use synonyms
 should be affordable for
everyone
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 If these
services
Use synonyms
 are managed by the government, all citizens can access medical care whenever they need it.
Therefore
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, I believe that the benefits of private
healthcare
Use synonyms
 do not outweigh its drawbacks.

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content
Make your view clear in every part; say it in the intro and again in the end.
coherence
Use linking words to show order and to connect ideas.
examples
Give a real example for each main point so your idea is strong.
grammar
Check small grammar and keep sentences short and direct.
Content
You give a clear view on the topic.
Structure
You show a contrast between private and public care.
Organization
There is a plan with intro, body and ending.
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