IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that all popular TV entertainment programmes should aim to educate viewers about important social issues. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that all famous TV-entertainment programmes should display important social
problems
Use synonyms
 for viewers. I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because it will help to be aware
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the citizens’ issues, solve
its
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 together or find
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 flexible solution to fix
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. Today
Use synonyms
people
Punctuation problem
, people
show examples
 live in the technological period
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 a
lot
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 spend
much
Fix the agreement mistake
a lot of
show examples
 time just watching some
TV-programmes
Use the right word
programmes
show examples
 and
discuss
Wrong verb form
discussing
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 with
families
Correct pronoun usage
their families
show examples
 or friends.
However
Linking Words
, thanks to the
TV-shows
Use the right word
TV shows
show examples
 we
Linking Words
also can
Correct word order
can also
show examples
show
Verb problem
learn
show examples
 about
problems
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
where
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 we commonly
faced
Wrong verb form
face
show examples
 in our daily routine.
For example
Linking Words
, a
lot
Use synonyms
 of
problems
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as lack of electricity, environmental pollution, deforestation and etc.
request
Use the right word
require one
show examples
 to be
non-silent
Correct article usage
a non-silent
show examples
 person and share
to
Correct word order
ways to
show examples
 solve those issues by communicating
ways
Correct word order
apply
show examples
. In my opinion, if we talk about how to keep
clean
Correct word order
apply
show examples
our environment, courtyard and streets
, it
Correct word order
clean, it
show examples
 will be more beneficial, especially for
people
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
whose
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
watching
Wrong verb form
watch
show examples
 useless channels
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 TV and
lying
Wrong verb form
lie
show examples
 on the sofa.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, thanks to
TV-programmes
Use the right word
TV programmes
show examples
 we can invite the famous professionals or experts to listen
their
Change preposition
to their
show examples
 opinion about
long term
Use the right word
long-term
show examples
problems
Use synonyms
 in
particularly
Replace the word
particular
show examples
 spheres and themes,
such
Linking Words
us
Use the right word
as
show examples
 global warming , lack of water, food or
electricity
Punctuation problem
electricity,
show examples
 to find the solution and do something better for our country.
For example
Linking Words
, the second president of the Republic of Kazakhstan
Punctuation problem
, K.Tokayev
show examples
K.Tokayev
Punctuation problem
K.Tokayev,
show examples
 uses
this
Linking Words
 political
technic
Use the right word
technique
show examples
, which I called “The public
brain-storm
Use the right word
brainstorm
show examples
”. It means to give
this
Linking Words
 problem for citizens’ discussion through “The referendum”.
Last
Linking Words
 time it was when
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 decided to build
Atomic
Correct article usage
an Atomic
show examples
 Electro station. In that period
a
Punctuation problem
, a
show examples
lot
Use synonyms
 of
TV-programmes
Use the right word
TV programmes
show examples
 by used as a platform for debates between experts, politicians and
green peace
Use the right word
Greenpeace
show examples
 activists. Thanks to TV-programs
a
Punctuation problem
, a
show examples
lot
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 came to vote and decided to build
Atomic
Correct article usage
the Atomic
show examples
 Station. I hope when something
happen
Correct subject-verb agreement
happens
show examples
 in the
future
Punctuation problem
future,
show examples
 our government won’t take responsibility for
this
Linking Words
 solution, because citizens voted for
this
Linking Words
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
. In conclusion, all popular TV entertainment programmes should aim to educate viewers about important social issues, because it will help to control
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 and give almost correct answers
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
question
Fix the agreement mistake
questions
show examples
 in society.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

planning
Plan before you write. Start with your view. Then give two or three clear ideas in short paragraphs. End with a short conclusion.
grammar
Use simple, true grammar. Short, clean sentences help. Check verb and noun use.
content-development
Use one or two good examples. Explain how each point helps your view. Do not add too many facts from one country.
cohesion
Use linking words to show how ideas connect, like 'first', 'also', 'however', 'in addition', 'finally'.
content
The writer shows a clear view from the start.
structure
The essay tries to give examples and ends with a conclusion.
content
Some ideas about social issues are given.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: