IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that governments should give financial support to creative asrts such as painters and musicians.Others believe that creative artists should be funded alternative sources. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Many
people
Use synonyms
believes
Correct subject-verb agreement
believe
show examples
 that it is
Correct article usage
the goenment's
show examples
goenment's
Correct your spelling
government's
role
Use synonyms
 to
financialy
Correct your spelling
financially
support
Use synonyms
 the
innnovative
Correct your spelling
innovative
artists
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as painters and musicians.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,many
argues
Correct subject-verb agreement
argue
show examples
 that these
people
Use synonyms
 should be funded by external sources.Even though each viewpoint
posseses
Correct your spelling
possesses
 reasonable perspectives,in my opinion,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 am more inclined to root for the former viewpoint. Admittedly,it is not
Use synonyms
government's
Correct article usage
the government's
show examples
 entire obligation to
fund
Use synonyms
 these creative
artists
Use synonyms
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 that it leaves the alternative sources to play the
role
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,many external institutions like large businesses often collaborate or
fund
Use synonyms
 the
artists
Use synonyms
 they
favours
Correct subject-verb agreement
favour
show examples
 to enhance their business
portforlio
Correct your spelling
portfolio
.And it can
also
Linking Words
 act as a marketing strategy to express the idea and perspectives
the
Correct pronoun usage
that the
show examples
 companies
encourages
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourage
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
,the clothing company can
fund
Use synonyms
 the most viral painter
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the internet to
support
Use synonyms
 their artwork and
also
Linking Words
invites
Correct subject-verb agreement
invite
show examples
 them to do some painting activities
off line
Use the right word
offline
show examples
.In
this
Linking Words
 case,the business plays a
role
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 financially
Use synonyms
support
Wrong verb form
supporting
show examples
 the creative
artists
Use synonyms
 to keep pursuing their dreams
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
 the corporation can
also
Linking Words
 benefit from the
promotion
Replace the word
promotional
show examples
 effects of
this
Linking Words
 action because many
people
Use synonyms
 could be attracted to the activity and purchase some items from the business to show their
support
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,the advocates of governmental responsibility in
this
Linking Words
 matter
believes
Correct subject-verb agreement
believe
show examples
 it is
Correct article usage
the governments'
show examples
governments'
Check wording
government's
show examples
role
Use synonyms
 to
support
Use synonyms
citizens
Use synonyms
' welfare and well-being
due to
Linking Words
 the possible
expensiveness
Replace the word
expense
show examples
 of pursuing
art
Replace the word
artistic
show examples
 dreams.
For example
Linking Words
,there
are always
Verb problem
is
show examples
 a saying that
suppose
Verb problem
suggests
show examples
 art is an activity that only the rich can pursue because all the
art related
Use the right word
art-related
show examples
 activities are generally expensive,
such
Linking Words
 as the expense of materials,instruments and lessons.If
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 can play the
role
Use synonyms
 ,it can ease the burdens of
citizens
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 enhancing the level of satisfaction
citizens
Use synonyms
 feel under the protection of their
government
Use synonyms
.Under
this
Linking Words
 scenario,the
govenment
Correct your spelling
government
 fulfils its duty
as supporting
Change preposition
to support
show examples
Use synonyms
citizens
Check wording
citizens'
show examples
 welfare and well-being.
Moreover
Linking Words
,the creative
artists
Use synonyms
 can
also
Linking Words
 act as quality labour in the country or region
to
Punctuation problem
, to
show examples
 be positive representatives of their region.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it is the obligation of
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 to introduce educational funding to assist
people
Use synonyms
 who can not afford the education fees
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 all perspectives.
This
Linking Words
 is because it gives
citizens
Use synonyms
 the opportunities to develop themselves and
accomplishing
Wrong verb form
accomplish
show examples
potential
Correct pronoun usage
their potential
show examples
 future.If the
government
Use synonyms
 does not activate the
fund
Use synonyms
, many
people
Use synonyms
 may not even realise their artistic
potentials
Fix the agreement mistake
potential
show examples
.With the financial assistance, they can be better educated to have the
capacibility
Correct your spelling
capability
 to make it their career.From the perspective
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
government
Use synonyms
,it not only
cultivate
Correct subject-verb agreement
cultivates
show examples
 quality
labors
Check wording
labourers, but
show examples
 it can
also
Linking Words
 increase the
regions
Check wording
region's
show examples
 GPT
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 the
people
Use synonyms
 could make money from the aesthetic career path. In conclusion,even though both sides can have valid reasons to explain whether the
government
Use synonyms
 or alternative sources should
fund
Use synonyms
 the talented
artists
Use synonyms
,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 believe in the former
oppinion
Correct your spelling
opinion
,it belongs to the governmental responsibility to provide the financial assistance from
reasons
Correct article usage
the reasons
show examples
mntioned
Correct your spelling
mentioned
 above.
Firstly
Linking Words
,it fulfils
Use synonyms
citizens'welfare
Correct your spelling
welfare
 and
well-bing
Use the right word
well-being
show examples
.
Secondly
Linking Words
,it is
Correct article usage
the govenment's
show examples
govenment's
Correct your spelling
government's
 obligation to
support
Use synonyms
 education.

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planning
Make your view clear in the first paragraph and stay with it.
structure
Give a short plan in the intro and restate it in the end.
cohesion
Use linking words to show how ideas go with each other, like first, also, but, however.
grammar
Check spelling and grammar, and use simple, easy words.
content
Give specific examples for both sides to back up your point.
content
The essay shows a real view and tries to discuss both sides.
structure
The writer tries to show own view and to argue it.
cohesion
There is some use of linking words like however, and second/ next.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial support
  • creative arts
  • painters
  • musicians
  • commercially viable
  • cultural heritage
  • national pride
  • artistic integrity
  • private patrons
  • crowdfunding
  • innovation
  • diverse range
  • bureaucracy
  • political influence
  • creative expression
  • stifling creativity
  • stability
  • creative freedom
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