IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some young people believe it’s best to move out of their hometowns when they become adults, while others wish to live in their hometowns their whole lives. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is true in the present era, more and more people prefer moving to another area when they become juveniles,
while
Linking Words
 others stay in the same community for their whole lives. In the following essay, we explore to discuss both arguments, and I will mention my perspective on both sides. On the one hand, individuals boost to travel out of their hometowns for several reasons. The main reason is that an opportunity for work. To illustrate more, adults who live in a simple town , need to acquire knowledge and expand in several fields.
For example
Linking Words
, my oldest brother works in a huge company located in the capital city.
Thus
Linking Words
, he has an insurance life and obtains the best life
instead
Linking Words
 of a village.
In addition
Linking Words
, a lot of adolescents complete their studies after school in the university or college.
Thus
Linking Words
, they move out to acquire adequate studying in these administrations.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the public can expand and develop their skills in a variety of subjects.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some members of the town like staying in the same area to keep civilization. In
this
Linking Words
 situation, adults enjoy working with their parents in different fields
such
Linking Words
 as agriculture, manufacturing and fishing. In fact, juveniles have talents on these sides and can be creative to obtain a good lifestyle.
As a consequence
Linking Words
, these categories have a close family and worth respect . I remember
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 a study published at the University of Nizwa in 2022 showed that "adults who still work around their families, can be creative and develop more than others who move out of the site". In conclusion, I am convinced both arguments are beneficial for individuals and the community.
However
Linking Words
, The government should expand administrations in whole sides of countries.
Therefore
Linking Words
, juvenile has an opportunity to succeed and grow in their country and accomplish a balance between family and work.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure all points are consistently developed and fully explored. Some points, like the importance of work opportunities, could be elaborated further with more examples or explanations.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are a bit unclear due to awkward phrasing. Aim for clarity by using simpler sentence structures and vocabulary where necessary.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion that frame the essay well.
task achievement
Both perspectives are addressed, which shows a balanced approach to the task.
task achievement
Includes specific examples, such as personal anecdotes and references to studies, to support the points being made.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: