IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that all popular TV entertainmentprogrammes should aim to educate viewers about important social issues. To whatextent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
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 believe that all famous
TV
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-entertainment
programmes
Use synonyms
 should display important social questions for viewers. I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because it will help to be aware of the citizens’ issues, solve them together or find a more flexible solution to fix them. Today , people live in the technological period , and a portion of
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 spend a lot of time just watching some
programmes
Use synonyms
 and discussing them with their relatives or friends.
However
Linking Words
, thanks to the
TV
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shows
Punctuation problem
shows,
show examples
 we can
also
Linking Words
 learn about troubles
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 that we commonly face in our daily routine.
For example
Linking Words
, a part of dilemmas
such
Linking Words
 as lack of electricity, environmental pollution, deforestation and
etc.
Punctuation problem
etc.,
show examples
 require one to be a non-silent person and share ways to solve those issues by communicating . In my opinion, if we talk about how to keep our environment, courtyard and streets clean, it will be more beneficial, especially for
community
Correct article usage
the community
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, who watch useless channels on
TV
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 and lie on the sofa.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, thanks to
TV
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programmes
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we
Punctuation problem
, we
show examples
 can invite the famous professionals or experts to listen to their opinion about long-term
complication
Fix the agreement mistake
complications
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in particular
Linking Words
 spheres and themes,
such
Linking Words
 as global warming , lack of water, food or electricity, to find the solution and do something better for our country.
For example
Linking Words
, the second president of the Republic of Kazakhstan
K.Tokayev
Punctuation problem
, K.Tokayev
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, uses
this
Linking Words
 political technique, which I
called
Wrong verb form
call
show examples
 “The public brainstorm”. It means to give
this
Linking Words
 problem for citizens’ discussion through “The referendum”.
Last
Linking Words
 time it was when the government decided to build an Atomic Electro station. In that period,
TV
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programmes
Use synonyms
 by used as a platform for debates between experts, politicians and Greenpeace activists. Thanks to
TV
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-programs, a lot of
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
 came to vote and decided to build the Atomic Station. I hope
when
Correct word choice
that when
show examples
 something happens in the future, our government won’t take responsibility for
this
Linking Words
 solution, because citizens voted for
this
Linking Words
 on their own. In conclusion, all popular
TV
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 entertainment
programmes
Use synonyms
 should aim to educate viewers about important social issues, because it will help to control the government and give almost correct answers to questions in society.

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task management
Plan your essay with a short start that says your view, then three clear ideas, and end with a short line.
coherence
Use simple link words to join ideas and to show order, like 'also', 'but', 'for example'.
development
Give one good example for each point and explain how it backs your view.
task response
The writer shows a clear view that TV can teach people about issues.
coherence
Some parts use real life examples and try to talk about how people act.
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