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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

People who read for pleasure in their free time have a better imagination than those who prefer to watch TV. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some
people
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 think that reading books helps
people
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 have a better
imagination
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 than watching TV. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 idea because reading makes the brain work harder,
while
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 watching television is more passive and less creative. Reading can strongly improve
imagination
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 because readers need to picture the
story
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 in their own minds. When
people
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 read a novel, they have to think about how the characters look, how the places appear, and what emotions the
people
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 in the
story
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 might feel.
This
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 process keeps the brain active and trains
people
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 to think in different and creative ways.
For example
Linking Words
, when reading a
story
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 about a fantasy world, each reader imagines it differently, creating their own version of the
story
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.
This
Linking Words
 helps to build
imagination
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 and creativity much more than just looking at a screen.
On the other hand
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, watching television does not help
imagination
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 as much. Everything is already shown on the screen, so viewers do not need to imagine anything. They just receive what the producers and directors decided to show.
For instance
Linking Words
, when
people
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 watch a movie, all the characters, places, and events are already visible, so their brain does not work as hard as when they read a book.
As a result
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, TV can be entertaining, but it does not challenge the mind to create new ideas. In conclusion, reading helps
people
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 think deeply and imagine things in their own way,
while
Linking Words
 television gives less space for creativity.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason, I believe that reading is a much better activity for developing
imagination
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 than watching TV.

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development
Add one more clear reason and more real example to back your view.
coherence
Use more linking words between sentences to make the flow smooth.
grammar
Check small grammar and keep sentences clear; use shorter lines where needed.
strength
Your stance is clear from the start.
strength
You use compare and contrast well with 'On the other hand' and 'For instance'.
strength
Intro and conclusion are present and linked to your view.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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