IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Rich countries often give financial aid to poor countries, but it does not solve the poverty. So rich countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than the financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

First-world
countries
Use synonyms
 usually make money donations to third-world
countries
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
, it does not solve poverty.
Thus
Linking Words
, they should assist the poorer nations
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 different kinds of
aid
Use synonyms
. Personally, I tend to strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement.
Firstly
Linking Words
, in a fluctuating economy, financial
aid
Use synonyms
 would not be sufficient since it only solves the crisis temporarily. They will get into a loophole that will perpetually lead them back to where they started.
For instance
Linking Words
, third-world
countries
Use synonyms
 with
crisis related
Use the right word
crisis-related
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
politics , like Zimbabwe, use
this
Linking Words
 money to solve poverty and corruption , but only for a few years, they will be back where they started, like they did back in 2010.By solving the prevalent issues in the nation, they remained destitute.
Thus
Linking Words
, developed
countries
Use synonyms
 should offer something to solve
this
Linking Words
 long-term problem.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
aid
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as labour or technology would indubitably be much more suitable and stable for them. Third-world
countries
Use synonyms
 tend to fall into despair
due to
Linking Words
 the imbalance between workforce and technology, and how faulty their political system is. These prevalent phenomena have
preceded
Verb problem
been prevalent
show examples
 for years in South Africa
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
thus
Linking Words
, it would lead an economy to devastation
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it is detrimental for the individuals residing in the nation. With the help of more novel machines have made these
countries
Use synonyms
 have come back on their feet and dodged the fall of their own
countries
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is more crucial for other
countries
Use synonyms
 ,especially the developed ones, to send
aid
Use synonyms
 differently, not just financially but in other
criteria
Check wording
ways
show examples
 as well. In conclusion, the statement of the first world
countries
Use synonyms
 should assist differently, not just financially ,
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that it does not solve the root problem for the less fortunate nations. In my point of view , the developed citizenry
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 to send merit heterogenously to
aid
Use synonyms
 them.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Plan your essay first. Start with a short line that shows your view. Then give two clear reasons and end with a short end line that restates your view.
grammar
Use plain grammar. Keep sentences short and use proper punctuation. Break long ideas into smaller parts.
content
Give clear proof for each idea. Explain how each point helps the view you chose. Use real, simple examples.
tone
Be fair in tone. Do not say all places are the same. Use simple words and calm voice.
stance
The writer shows a clear view of the topic.
content
There are attempt and some use of examples to back up the view.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: