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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph shows the percentage of male and female academic staff members across the faculties of a major university in 2012 summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph shows the percentage of male and female academic staff members across the faculties of a major university in 2012 summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The graph illustrates the number of employees across the departments of a specific university in 2012. The figures are divided by
genders
Fix the agreement mistake
gender
show examples
 and the unit is
percentage
Correct article usage
a percentage
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
, there were more men staff members than women in most areas, except for arts, education, and medicine. The largest gap
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 percentages between genders was
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 engineering,
while
Linking Words
 the smallest difference was
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 medicine. The part which employed slightly under 80% female staff members was
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
 part, and
this
Linking Words
 was the highest
employ
Replace the word
employment
show examples
 rate of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 in the university, and
also
Linking Words
 the rate of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 was over than
one
Correct determiner usage
that
show examples
 of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
. Still, only below 20% of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 were hired in
engineering
Correct article usage
the engineering
show examples
 department, which was the smallest portion among
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, compared to over 80% of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 who worked in the same area.
Hence
Linking Words
, more than 60% point drastic differences between genders
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 seen in engineering, followed by above 20% point gap in
business
Correct article usage
the business
show examples
part
Check wording
sector
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, medicine faculties
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 accompanied
almost
Change preposition
by almost
show examples
similar
Correct word choice
an equal
show examples
 number of men and women.

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Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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