IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many working people get little or no exercise either during their working day or in their free time and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?

Most of the office workers don’t get exercise during the daytime when they are in the working place and they don’t get exercise during leisure
time
Use synonyms
. So, they tend to get serious
health
Use synonyms
 problems. The main reason is
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
show examples
Use synonyms
life
Use the right word
lifestyle
show examples
style
Use synonyms
. We can introduce different short-term and long-term plans to overcome
this
Linking Words
 problem
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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organizing
Change the spelling
organising
show examples
 sports events and mass
health
Use synonyms
 education programs. Modern day,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
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 of working people spend their
day
Use the right word
daytime
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 inside the workplace in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 sitting posture. Most of them are busy with the desktop computers, documentation processes and running behind targets. If they need to communicate with each other, there is no necessity to walk as telephone networks are available. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
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example
Add a comma
example,
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 if we think of a web developer, they spend
lot
Correct article usage
a lot
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 of
time
Use synonyms
 as mentioned above. We have to develop and introduce different solutions to overcome
above
Correct article usage
the above
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 issue to prevent them
going
Change preposition
from going
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in to
Use the right word
into
show examples
 serious
health
Use synonyms
 issues. There are different
long term
Use the right word
long-term
show examples
 plans
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
Introducing
Fix capitalization
introducing
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 targets to achieve during
mentioned
Correct article usage
the mentioned
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time
Use synonyms
 period. e.g. Achieve 10000 step counts within a day for one month duration. To count
this
Linking Words
target
Punctuation problem
target,
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 the worker will be provided a fitness tracker that can be used even after. The best achiever will be rewarded by giving a reward
such
Linking Words
 as
foot
Correct article usage
a foot
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 bicycle/ exercise machine
etc
Punctuation problem
, etc
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.
This
Linking Words
 will help to create competition between peers and motivate everyone to go to
target
Correct article usage
the target
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.
Eventually
Add a comma
Eventually,
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 it helps to improve
health
Use synonyms
 by
Use synonyms
life
Use the right word
lifestyle
show examples
style
Use synonyms
 modification. It is better to introduce some activities to
utilize
Change the spelling
utilise
show examples
 leisure
time
Use synonyms
even
Rephrase
apply
show examples
effectively
with
Punctuation problem
, with
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 calorie burning
out-door
Use the right word
outdoor
show examples
activities
Correct word choice
calorie-burning activities
show examples
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as Out Bound Training program, sports events, regular practice exercises and hiking. At the same
time
Use synonyms
, we can conduct some mass
health
Use synonyms
 education programme which helps to enlighten the importance of changing
Use synonyms
life
Use the right word
lifestyle
show examples
style
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 to active state. So, launching
above
Correct article usage
the above
show examples
 activities will help to come out
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the sedentary
Use synonyms
life
Use the right word
lifestyle
show examples
style
Use synonyms
 and have a good impact on
health
Use synonyms
.

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task planning
Plan your answer in three parts: why people do not move, what you can do, and finish with a short plan.
paragraphing
Use one main idea in each paragraph. Start with a short topic sentence and end with a small result.
evidence
Give simple examples with numbers, such as 'walk 10 minutes after meal' or 'take stairs' to show your plan.
language
Keep to easy and clear words. Check spell and form, e.g. 'lifestyle' rather than 'life style'.
content
The answer shows both reasons and plan to help.
content
It gives concrete ideas like 10000 steps and a tracker.
planning
It says leisure time and health talks can help.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Time constraints
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Passive leisure activities
  • Workplace wellness programs
  • Active commuting
  • Subsidized
  • Public awareness
  • Health benefits
  • Incentivizing
  • Accessible public spaces
What to do next:
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