IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that in the future most cities will become unlivable due to pollution and overcrowding, while others think technology will solve these problems. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

When it comes to whether
cities
Use synonyms
 are livable, people's opinions vary. Some argue that
pollution
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 and congestion will cause severe environmental
problems
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, which will make
cities
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 unlivable,
while
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 others believe that these
problems
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 will be dealt with through
technology
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. From my perspective,
although
Linking Words
technology
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 plays a significant part in solving environmental
problems
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, governments’ implementation and individuals’
effort
Fix the agreement mistake
efforts
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 cannot be ignored. On the one hand,
pollution
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 and overcrowding worsen each other, directly damaging the livability of
cities
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. Take India as an example. As we all know, India is now the country with the largest population in the world. Extremely
crowding
Correct word choice
crowded conditions
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 directly caused a serious problem of
traffic
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 congestion, and thereby increased the emission of
carbon
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 dioxide, which
worsen
Correct subject-verb agreement
worsens
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 air
condition
Check wording
quality
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. Based on
Global
Correct article usage
the Global
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 Environment Report in 2020, India’s
carbon
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 emission was about 256.7 billion tons, which increased serious health
problems
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 among Indians.
Therefore
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, overcrowding will increase air
pollution
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,
so
Change preposition
apply
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that
Correct word choice
which
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do
Verb problem
will do
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 harm to people’s lives.
On the other hand
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, modern
technology
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 can efficiently solve
pollution
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 and overcrowding issues.
For instance
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, in Singapore, the government
utilized
Change the spelling
utilised
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intelligent
Correct article usage
an intelligent
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traffic
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 supervision system to control
traffic
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 flow, which had effectively reduced
traffic
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 congestion by approximately 20%. Meanwhile,
Singapore
Correct article usage
the Singapore
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 government
also
Linking Words
 enhanced electric cars, which decreased
carbon
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emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
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, and in turn
improve
Wrong verb form
improved
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 the air
condition
Check wording
quality
show examples
. In my opinion, there is no doubt that
technology
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 is beneficial to solve environmental
problems
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, but governments’ implementation and individuals’ awareness are equally important. Governments should implement policies,
such
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 as reducing taxes on green energy enterprises, to guide these companies in researching and developing new energy.
In addition
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, individuals
also
Linking Words
 need to change their lifestyles,
for example
Linking Words
, choosing green travel can reduce
carbon
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 emissions. In conclusion, relying solely on
technology
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 has limitations. Only by the combination of
technology
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, government efforts, and individuals’ actions can
address
Correct pronoun usage
we address
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 environmental issues
such
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 as
pollution
Use synonyms
 and overcrowding, and in turn contribute
livable
Change preposition
to livable
show examples
cities
Use synonyms
.

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Use a clear main idea in each paragraph with a short sentence at the start.
structure
There is a clear plan with 'one hand' and 'other hand'
content
You show both views and give your own view
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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