IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1.5

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters is likely to result in societ of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it important for children to make decisions about matters affect them. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In our modern societies, children
are't
Correct your spelling
aren't
 allowed to make their choices. These could either be insignificant, everyday choices, or major ones. Some say
this
Linking Words
 should not be the norm. In fact, children deserve to
decided
Wrong verb form
decide
show examples
 on what pleases them. Others,
however
Linking Words
, claim that allowing the above to happen will lead us
create
Verb problem
to create
show examples
 a society full of self-oriented individuals who only care
abot
Correct your spelling
about
 their own affairs. I agree with the latter view, as I think that the young have not
experieced
Correct your spelling
experienced
 life long enough to be ready for decision making. Plus, a child needs the opinion of an adult to be set
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the right path.

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grammar
Fix many spelling and grammar errors, like are't and experieced. Use the right form: aren't, decided, experienced.
structure
Make a short, clear intro that states the topic and your view.
structure
Have one main idea in each paragraph and start with a clear topic sentence.
cohesion
Use simple connect words to join ideas, such as but, and, so, also.
structure
End with a short conclusion that restates your view.
content
Your view is clear.
style
The text is easy to read in parts.
content
You show why adults are needed.
style
You use short, simple sentences.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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