IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters is likely to result in societ of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it important for children to make decisions about matters affect them. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It has become a debatable issue whether
parents
Use synonyms
 should allow their
children
Use synonyms
 to make their own decisions on daily matters or not. Some individuals
favours
Correct subject-verb agreement
favour
show examples
this
Linking Words
 viewpoint,
whereas
Linking Words
 others oppose
this
Linking Words
. Both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
views will be discussed in the upcoming paragraphs
along with
Linking Words
 my viewpoint. One of the main reasons why
children
Use synonyms
 should make their own choices is
they
Correct word choice
that they
show examples
 will become independent. When teenagers have
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 freedom to make their own decisions from
early
Correct article usage
an early
show examples
 period of life, they will not only be able to decide what is beneficial for them or not, but
also
Linking Words
 they can live their life
Linking Words
according
Fix capitalization
According
show examples
 to their interests.
For example
Linking Words
: my nephew,
he
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 is just 10 years old,
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is
taking
Use the right word
making
show examples
their all
Correct word order
all their
show examples
decions
Correct your spelling
decisions
 themselves related to their food and clothes
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 his
parents
Use synonyms
 have no worry about these
things
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 habit will reduce the extra burden from
parents
Use synonyms
 in terms of deciding
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
daily
things
Use synonyms
 for their
children
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
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,
this
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 trend
also
Linking Words
prove
Correct subject-verb agreement
proves
show examples
 less beneficial for the
parents
Use synonyms
, because their
children
Use synonyms
 will become more selfish. If a couple have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
two
children
Use synonyms
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
one will decide the
things
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as food or going to any place for exploring
Linking Words
according
Punctuation problem
, according
show examples
 to their personal choices without considering the preferences of their other
sibilings
Correct your spelling
siblings
. In
this
Linking Words
 way, they will become more selfish and create problems for their guardians to make
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 balanced decision. In my opinion,
parents
Use synonyms
 should give their
children
Use synonyms
 enough freedom to decide the best
things
Use synonyms
 for themselves, whether
its
Use the right word
it's
show examples
 in terms of deciding the everyday choices
such
Linking Words
 as food, clothes or
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
money management, but with the advent of proper rules and regulations. So, they can learn how to manage
things
Use synonyms
 properly when they
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
become adult without
need
Wrong verb form
needing
show examples
 the support of others. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 making decisions for themselves by
children
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 sometimes
prove
Correct subject-verb agreement
proves
show examples
 less beneficial for their
parents
Use synonyms
, they will become
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
independent
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 from the
starting period
Check wording
start
show examples
 of their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.

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structure
Add clear topic sentences for each paragraph and make sure one main idea is shown in each paragraph.
coherence
Link ideas with simple words so the flow is easy to follow and check the logic of each point.
content
Give more then one example and explain why it supports your view.
language
Work on spelling and use of common words; avoid long or tricky phrases.
content
The essay tries to discuss both sides and gives your view.
structure
You show a clear start and end to the essay.
coherence
There is some use of connect words to join ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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