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Writing Samples
Band 6

The bar chart compares the amount of money (in millions of euros) that people in four different age groups from Paris, France, spent on going to the cinema, restaurants and music concerts in 2019.

The bar chart compares the amount of money (in millions of euros) that people in four different age groups from Paris, France, spent on going to the cinema, restaurants and music concerts in 2019.
The bar chart illustrates the amount of money spent in the year 2019 in leisure activities like cinema, restaurants and music concerts by people of four different age groups from Paris, France. It is clearly visible that music concerts are more popular among the younger generation , and eating outside is more in demand by the older ones.
However
Linking Words
,spending in the cinema is evenly popular among all four groups. To commence, the youngest adults of the group , 18 to 25 years of age, spent almost 14
million
Use synonyms
 euros in music festivals , which is the highest utilised among all their activities. Followed by the next group, 26 to 39,
used
Correct pronoun usage
who used
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 12
million
Use synonyms
 euros , which is still more than the combined total of the rest of the two groups.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, going to restaurants is the least liked in the youngest section. Spending only 13
million
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is 5
million
Use synonyms
 less than just
elder
Correct word choice
entire
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 group.
However
Linking Words
, men and women from 40 to 55 years young spent around 22
million
Use synonyms
 , which is the most for dining.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "amount" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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