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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts and table illustrates the information about the total value and sources of fish imported to the US in the years 1988, 1992, and 2000.

The pie charts and table illustrates the information about the total value and sources of fish imported to the US in the years 1988, 1992, and 2000.
The table compares the amount of money for imported fish, and the unit is billions of dollars,
while
Linking Words
 the pie charts show where it came from
to
Change preposition
in
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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America in 1988, 1992, and 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
seafood’s
Check wording
apply
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value in the USA increased with
the
Correct article usage
a
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 similar amount in every given year.
In addition
Linking Words
,
Canada
Use synonyms
 was the most fish-exporting country among China and the other
countries
Use synonyms
, but it declined throughout the given period.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the number of it bought from other
countries
Use synonyms
 increased during the given
moment
Check wording
period
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. In 1988,
Canada
Use synonyms
 shared 60% of the total amount of seafood
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
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 with other nations in 6.57 billion dollars,
while
Linking Words
 China took only 13% of them, and other
countries
Use synonyms
 occupied the
last
Linking Words
 of them.
However
Linking Words
, the proportion of
Canada
Use synonyms
 sharply dropped
around
Change preposition
to around
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 34%, as that of others jumped to 46% in 1992, when the value of fish was 8,520,000 dollars.
Finally
Linking Words
, when the value of seafood turned into 10.72
billon
Use the right word
billion
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 bucks, the portion of other
countries
Use synonyms
 won over that of
Canada
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, which reached
out
Rephrase
apply
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42%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words canada, countries with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Import origins
  • Total import value
  • Trends in import values
  • Trade patterns
  • Source distribution
  • Import dependency
  • Fluctuations in trade
  • Economic implications
  • Demand and supply dynamics
  • International trade policies
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