IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below give information about attendance and entertainment venues and admission prices to those venues in 2009. Summarize thew information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below give information about attendance and entertainment venues and admission prices to those venues in 2009. Summarize thew information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar charts
compares
Correct subject-verb agreement
compare
show examples
 the number of people visiting entertainment facilities with the unit of thousands, and the table shows the price for entering
tickets
Use synonyms
 in 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
, lots of
populations
Check wording
people
show examples
 came to
Cinemas
Correct article usage
the Cinemas
show examples
, followed by amusement parks,
then
Linking Words
 sports events. The most expensive activity was the football game-AFL, and
cheapest
Correct article usage
the cheapest
show examples
 one was watching movies.
Firstly
Linking Words
, more
and
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 1 million individuals preferred to go to cinemas, which charged them 15
dollars
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
per
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
person, but gave 5
Use synonyms
dollars
Correct your spelling
5-dollar
 discount for 4 people. The rate of attendance dramatically decreased to a little below 400,000 in Theme parks, where a person paid 70
dollars
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
single
Correct article usage
a single
show examples
, but
Check wording
ticket, but
show examples
 52.5
dollars
Use synonyms
 with
family
Correct article usage
a family
show examples
 pack.
Lastly
Linking Words
, less than two hundred
thousands
Fix the agreement mistake
thousand
show examples
 sports
events’
Fix the agreement mistake
event’
show examples
 audiences had to buy
the
Fix the agreement mistake
tickets at
show examples
 different
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
 of
tickets
Use synonyms
 depended on
games
Correct article usage
the games
show examples
. All
foot ball
Use the right word
football
show examples
games
Fix the agreement mistake
game
show examples
tickets
Use synonyms
 were over 70
dollars
Use synonyms
 for
individual
Correct article usage
an individual
show examples
, but they
also
Linking Words
 made it cheaper in the combos for 4 people. The price of
cricket
Correct article usage
a cricket
show examples
 ticket was the lowest
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 24
dollars
Use synonyms
 for one, still 80
dollars
Use synonyms
 for families, followed by
basketball
Correct article usage
a basketball
show examples
 game, where they needed to purchase 34
dollars
Use synonyms
’ worth
private
Change preposition
of private
show examples
tickets
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words tickets, dollars with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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