IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think it is no longer necessary for children to go to school because they can do all their learning online. Others believe learning in schools is essential. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

With technological advancement, learning can be done conveniently at home via online learning platforms. There are increasingly more people
think
Correct pronoun usage
who think
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 that learning I
school
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 become unnecessary,
while
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 some believe
this
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 is fundamental for the
development
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 of
children
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.
This
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 essay discusses how online learning facilitates
personalized
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personalised
show examples
 learning experiences,
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then
Correct word choice
and then
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discover
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explores
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 its
limitation
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limitations
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on
Change preposition
in
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 developing the social
skills
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 of kids. To commence with, the use of online learning platforms allows learning experiences to be
customized
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customised
show examples
 based on
learner’s
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the learner’s
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 background. With the use of artificial intelligence, it is typical to see online platforms
customize
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customise
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 learning experience through
collection
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the collection
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 of
learner’s
Check wording
learners’
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 data. When
students
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 start using an online platform, their ages and nationalities will be recorded, and their knowledge level will be assessed. Once
learning
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a learning
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 experience is
personalized
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personalised
show examples
,
students
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 can learn things that suit their ability.
As a result
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, their learning efficacy can be
maximized
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maximised
show examples
. Because
students
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 usually learn with others in the same class at
school
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, teachers are responsible to
cater
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apply
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learning diversity, which means that the learning needs of
students
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 with weaker or stronger abilities cannot be catered
.
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to.
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Therefore
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, it is believed that learning at
hoe
Use the right word
home
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 via the Internet can facilitate the
need
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needs
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 of every learner. Take Duolingo as an example,
this
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 platform
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
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 language learning courses with a range of difficulty.
While
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 weaker learners can learn the basics of a language by taking foundation courses, intermediate and advanced learners can learn more
advance
Replace the word
advanced
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 sentence patterns and
vocabularies
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vocabulary
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. By the use of
online
Correct article usage
an online
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 learning platform, the learning efficacy of
children
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 is expected to be
utilized
Verb problem
improved
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.
However
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, it is
undoubtful
Correct word choice
undeniable
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 to say that
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school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
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 are essential in developing
the
Correct article usage
apply
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social
skills
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 among
students
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.
Children
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 make most of
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 friends at
school
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 because their peers are the ones who support their learning and entertain
with
Change preposition
apply
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them. By getting
children
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 to attend schools, they have the opportunity to study and play together, which
strengthen
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strengthens
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 their
bondings
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bonds
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 and
help
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helps
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 them become friends. Without
school
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 education,
children
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 would barely get any chance to leave their home and make new friends outside, stifling their
development
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 of social
skills
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 because they barely learn how to communicate and interact with people of their same generation. Research suggests that
students
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 in the elementary
school
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ae
Correct word choice
apply
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are under key stages of social
development
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. If
students
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 learn at
school
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, their social
skills
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 can be developed properly, eventually benefiting their future. In conclusion,
while
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students
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 can do all their learning at home with the help of
Correct article usage
a personalized
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personalized
Change the spelling
personalised
show examples
 learning experience powered by artificial intelligence, schools are necessary in nurturing the social
skills
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 of
students
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. Considering both sides of
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the arguments
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arguments
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argument
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, I believe learning in schools is necessary because the whole-person
development
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 of
students
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 should be taken into consideration, meaning that
children
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 should not only learn about subject knowledge, but
also
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 understand how to get
along with
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 their peers.

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improvement
More full talk on why some say schools are needed and why others say online learning is enough. Add more proof or facts.
improvement
Make the main ideas clearer in each part. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence and stay on it.
tip
Use short and simple links to move from one idea to next. Use 'first', 'also', 'however', 'in addition'.
strength
The essay shows a clear view and a balanced view.
strength
There is a real example (Duolingo) to back a point.
strength
Intro, body, and conclusion are used.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • customizable learning pace
  • global connectivity
  • social skills development
  • self-discipline
  • unequal access to technology
  • structured environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • supervised learning
  • one-size-fits-all approach
  • peer pressure
What to do next:
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