Nowadays most people spend less time in their homes. What are the causes of it? What are the effects on society and individuals?

Today, more people get out
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
home
Use synonyms
than in the past when they want to have a good time. In my opinion,
well develop
Use the right word
well-developed
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outdoor
activities
Use synonyms
lead them to go out, and they
also
Linking Words
have prioritized
Wrong verb form
prioritise
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hanging out
than
Change preposition
over
show examples
staying at
home
Use synonyms
. I strongly believe that
this
Linking Words
movement will bring economic gains in
leisure
Correct article usage
the leisure
show examples
industries, and it will give opportunities to lessen their stress.
Firstly
Linking Words
, there are
ore
Use the right word
more
show examples
places to entertain
something
Check wording
apply
show examples
than before. Previously, being at
home
Use synonyms
had its own worth, because there
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
nothing to do outside.
Whereas
Linking Words
, it is possible for now generations to find
out
Change preposition
apply
show examples
somewhere to go and enjoy.
For example
Linking Words
, a shopping centre plays
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
role of a role of multi-functional place, providing lots of clothing and accessories shops, restaurants, groceries, and even movie cinemas.
Secondly
Linking Words
, today individuals have a view
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
which
Correct word choice
that
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outdoor
activities
Use synonyms
seem
Verb problem
are more
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desirable than indoor ones. In a human
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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research, 80% of subjects answered that they could feel productive and active when they went out, so
that
Correct determiner usage
the
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expert suggested that positive memories about being out of the
home
Use synonyms
help them be out again. From
this
Linking Words
trend, the financial growth of the leisure industry is expected, because there are not enough sites and the number of
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
to meet the demands. The rising demand for outdoor
activities
Use synonyms
, and crowds’ willingness
of paying
Change preposition
to pay
show examples
money for fun will lead
Change preposition
to the
show examples
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
expended
Use the right word
expanded
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industry, which is related
with
Change preposition
to
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the raised employment rate, and a huge profit for investors.
Finally
Linking Words
, people can manage their stress by enjoying their time in nature, which is important for dropping the rate of outbreak of mental diseases, namely depression, anxiety and personality disability. In conclusion, being out of the
home
Use synonyms
is a fresh trend because of many fun
activities
Use synonyms
outside and the value of going out.
Moreover
Linking Words
, we can expect
grown
Wrong verb form
growing
show examples
business models for the leisure
, and
Check wording
industry, and
show examples
better
Correct article usage
a better
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environment for releasing individuals’ stress.

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Structure
Plan your essay with a clear map: one part on causes and one on effects, plus a short intro and a short conclusion.
Content
State a main idea first in each paragraph, then give a simple reason or example to back it up.
Language
Use linking words to join ideas: also, because, so, as a result, however.
Language
Check word use and grammar to avoid errors like 'ore' or 'well develop'. Replace with 'more' and 'we will develop'.
Language
Keep words simple and short. Use common verbs and stay in the present when you talk about facts.
Structure
End with a short conclusion that restates the two main ideas.
Idea
The essay shows a clear idea that more places to go out can shape how people act.
Evidence
The writer gives some real examples, like a shopping centre, to back points.
Content
There is an opinion and a view about the effect on work in leisure industry.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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