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Writing Samples
Band 7

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The diagram illustrates how the
sugar
Use synonyms
 canes turn into
commonly
Correct article usage
the commonly
show examples
 seen
sugar
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, there are seven stages in the process to produce
sugar
Use synonyms
, requiring numerous different techniques and various kinds of tools.
Sugar
Use synonyms
 canes, after a year to one and a half years growing, will be harvested by either automatic machines or human hands manually
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 both
ways
Check wording
methods
show examples
 are possible
methods
Check wording
apply
show examples
nowadays.
Possessing
Change preposition
After possessing
show examples
 the
sugar
Use synonyms
 canes,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 should be crushed into
juice
Use synonyms
 by another tool with wheels, and
then
Linking Words
 purified by the limestone filter, leaving
juice
Use synonyms
 drops
left
Verb problem
apply
show examples
. Those
juice
Use synonyms
 drops will be transformed into syrup afterwards by an evaporator, heating the filtered
juice
Use synonyms
 drops in a container with fire that releases steam out from the top hole, making it more sticky. Following the steps, a centrifuge is used to pick out the
sugar
Use synonyms
 crystals from the syrup, and after the final drying and cooling stage, we can get the
sugar
Use synonyms
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words sugar, juice with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "drops" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • manufacturing process
  • sugar cane
  • harvesting
  • transporting
  • factory
  • crushing
  • extracting
  • juice
  • filtering
  • impurities
  • heating
  • evaporating
  • syrup
  • boiling
  • crystallizing
  • sugar
  • separating
  • drying
  • packaging
  • distribution
  • stage
  • process
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