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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Today, many people do not know their neighbors in large cities. What problems does this cause? What can be done about this?

Nowadays, especially in the big
city
Use synonyms
, most
people
Use synonyms
did
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 not
recognize
Change the spelling
recognise
show examples
 their own
neighbors
Change the spelling
neighbours
show examples
. It
happen
Wrong verb form
happened
show examples
 because of several reasons,
such
Linking Words
 as on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
weekday
Fix the agreement mistake
weekdays
show examples
 their
time
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 only for
worked
Replace the word
work
show examples
 and
for
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the
weekend
Fix the agreement mistake
weekends
show examples
 they
only
Rephrase
apply
show examples
spent their
time
Use synonyms
 with their family. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will propose solutions to that problem.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, as we know, the majority of
people
Use synonyms
 who
lived
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
 in the big
city
Use synonyms
 are more
individualist
Replace the word
individualistic
show examples
, compared to
people
Use synonyms
 who
lived
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
 in rural areas.
As a result
Linking Words
, they don't know others who
lived
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
 in the same
neighborhood
Change the spelling
neighbourhood
show examples
. One of the key
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 is, usually when
people
Use synonyms
worked
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 in large cities, they
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
have packed daily schedules. Because of many companies in a big
city
Use synonyms
Punctuation problem
, its
show examples
its
Use the right word
it's
show examples
 a well-known company,
thus
Linking Words
 they
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 most of their
time
Use synonyms
 at work.
For example
Linking Words
, I work in a prestigious media company in the capital
city
Use synonyms
 of Indonesia, called Jakarta, which my home is
also
Linking Words
 nearby. My
work-
Use the right word
work time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 is from 8 am to 7 pm every day.
Thereafter
Linking Words
, I get back home and rest.
Linking Words
While on
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the weekend, I went to a park or to a mall, enjoying my
time
Use synonyms
 with family, so I don't have
time
Use synonyms
 to mingle with my
neighbors
Change the spelling
neighbours
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it
as
Use the right word
is
show examples
also
Linking Words
 a valid contention that
getting-to-know
Use the right word
getting
show examples
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Verb problem
know people
show examples
 who lived side by side with you is extremely important. Because if something
happen
Correct subject-verb agreement
happens
show examples
,
wether
Use the right word
whether
show examples
 it is dangerous or not, the first person
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 can help you faster is your
neighboor
Correct your spelling
neighbour
. One solution that I suggest is
make
Verb problem
to make
show examples
 a
residential-community
Use the right word
residential community
show examples
 with
Correct article usage
an acivities
show examples
acivities
Correct your spelling
activities
 plan in every
neighborhood
Change the spelling
neighbourhood
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, that residential community can make an exercise program every Saturday and invite all of their resident, so they can face one
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
another and have a talk.
To sum up
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, it is
common
Correct article usage
a common
show examples
 case in
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
show examples
city
Use synonyms
 that they don't know each other, even though they live in the same area. I strongly believe that collaboration between their residents and
local
Correct article usage
the local
show examples
 community
its
Use the right word
is
show examples
 a must to tackle
this
Linking Words
 problem.

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grammar
Fix many tense and form errors in sentences so the idea is clear.
structure
Make the plan in three parts: problem, reason, and fix. Use a clear opening, 2 body parts, and a short ending.
coherence
Use one main idea in each paragraph and add linking words like first, also, for example, and in addition.
vocabulary/spelling
Use very simple words and short phrases. Check spellings so words like neighboor and work are correct.
task response
Give one or two clear examples and keep the paragraphs not too long. This helps the message be clear and real.
content
The topic is spoken and you give a plan for a fix.
content
There is a real life example and a clear goal.
content
You touch both the problem and how to fix.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sense of community
  • isolation
  • loneliness
  • support network
  • sense of security
  • trust
  • cooperation
  • social support
  • integration
  • community events
  • shared spaces
  • neighborly interactions
  • neighborhood watch programs
  • community engagement
  • technology
  • connect
What to do next:
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