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Writing Samples
Band 7

The charts below give information about the amount and types of water in the world, and also tell the use of water in three areas in three countries.

The charts below give information about the amount and types of water in the world, and also tell the use of water in three areas in three countries.
The given pie charts illustrate the rate of different types of
water
Use synonyms
 present on the earth and the various sources of fresh
water
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the bar chart represents the percentage of usage of
water
Use synonyms
 for three diverse activities in Egypt, Saudi Arabia and Canada.
Overall
Linking Words
, a marginal share of the total available
water
Use synonyms
 can only be accessed as drinking
water
Use synonyms
. In detail, fresh
water
Use synonyms
 comprises
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
only 2.5% of the total
water
Use synonyms
 resources on the planet,
while
Linking Words
 the remaining is spread across the sea and oceans (97.5%). Glaciers and permanent snows are the primary sources of fresh
water
Use synonyms
at
Punctuation problem
, at
show examples
 around 70%.
However
Linking Words
, the main source of drinking
water
Use synonyms
 is the underground
water
Use synonyms
, which accounts for nearly 30%.
In addition
Linking Words
, underground ice and renewable
water
Use synonyms
 resources contribute negligibly to the
fresh
Use the right word
freshwater
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water
Use synonyms
 reserve. The usage of
water
Use synonyms
 for agricultural, industrial and domestic purposes
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 shown in the bar graph.
Although
Linking Words
agricultural
Correct article usage
the agricultural
show examples
 sector utilises a major share of available
water
Use synonyms
 in Egypt (40%) and Saudi Arabia (50%), industrial requirements are more in Canada (approximately 45%). In Egypt, domestic and industrial utility is less than 10% each,
whereas
Linking Words
 the factory usage is nearly one-fifth (20%) of the total
water
Use synonyms
 in Saudi Arabia. Farm requirements are the second prominent sector in Canada at 30%, which is followed by household needs at just below 20%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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