IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the numer of new shops that opened in one coutry between 2011 and 2018.

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the numer of new shops that opened in one coutry between 2011 and 2018.
The data provides information about the
shops
Use synonyms
 that opened and closed down during the
7 years
Correct your spelling
7-year
 time period ( 2011- 2018) .
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that the figures for
shops
Use synonyms
 that opened and closed saw a fluctuation over the years.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
Meanwhile,
show examples
 almost
equal
Correct article usage
an equal
show examples
 number of
shops
Use synonyms
obeserved
Correct your spelling
observed
 an opening and closure in the
year
Use synonyms
 2014. In terms of
shops
Use synonyms
 that were ready for business, 2011 saw
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 shop openings compared to other years, which was approximately 8,500.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, the
year
Use synonyms
 that had
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
show examples
 number of show openings was 2018
having
Punctuation problem
, having
show examples
 a figure
equals
Replace the word
equal
show examples
 to 3,000. Meanwhile,
shops
Use synonyms
 that closed
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 significantly higher in the
year
Use synonyms
2013
Punctuation problem
2013,
show examples
 with almost 7,000
shops
Use synonyms
 closing down.
However
Linking Words
, the figure was noticeably low in the
year
Use synonyms
 2015, which saw
less
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer
show examples
 than 1,000 shop closures.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
In
Fix capitalization
in
show examples
 the
year
Use synonyms
 2014, almost
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
show examples
 number of businesses opened and closed with a figure approximating
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
6,500.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words shops, year with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: