IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

successful sports profesionals can earn a great deal more money than people in the other important professions. some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. discuss both these views and give your own opinion

Successful sports professionals often earn far more money than
people
Use synonyms
 working in other essential jobs
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as doctors, teachers, or engineers. Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe
this
Linking Words
 high income is fair,
while
Linking Words
 others think it is unfair.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both views and explain why I believe that high pay for sportspeople can be justified to some extent. On one hand, many
people
Use synonyms
 think that top athletes deserve their high salaries because of their talent, dedication, and the risks involved in their careers. Most professional players train for many years, face strict routines, and often risk injuries to perform well. Their success
also
Linking Words
 attracts large audiences, brings profit to sponsors, and helps promote their country on an international level.
For example
Linking Words
, famous footballers and cricketers generate millions of dollars through ticket sales, advertising, and brand endorsements, so it is reasonable that they receive a significant part of that income.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that it is unfair for sports professionals to earn so much more than others who make essential contributions to society. Teachers educate the next generation, and doctors save lives, yet their salaries are often far lower.
This
Linking Words
 income gap can make
people
Use synonyms
 feel that society values entertainment more than education or healthcare.
Therefore
Linking Words
, critics believe that salaries in sports should be more balanced with those in other important fields. In my opinion, successful athletes deserve to be well paid because of their talent, effort, and the value they bring to the economy.
However
Linking Words
, governments and
organizations
Change the spelling
organisations
show examples
 should
also
Linking Words
 ensure that
people
Use synonyms
 in other vital professions are fairly rewarded for their contributions. A balanced system would make society more equal and motivate
people
Use synonyms
 in all careers.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Make the intro state a clear plan and keep a similar idea in each paragraph. The conclusion should restate the view.
examples
Add more specific examples or facts to support points. One example is good, two or more can help.
coherence
Link ideas more clearly from one paragraph to the next. Use phrases like in addition, however, also, as a result.
lexical
Choose simple words and keep same idea in each paragraph.
grammar
Check grammar and punctuation for small errors.
content
clear view on the issue
structure
good order of paragraphs (intro, two views, conclusion)
cohesion
uses linking words well
evidence
gives an example to back up a point
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: