IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Are famous people treated unfairly by the media? Should they be given more privacy, or is the price of their fame an invasion into their private life? Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In today’s world, the
media
Use synonyms
 has great power to influence people’s opinions. Celebrities
such
Linking Words
 as actors, singers, and athletes are constantly watched by the public. Some argue that they are treated unfairly and deserve more privacy,
while
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 others believe that being in the spotlight is simply the price of fame. On one hand, famous people often face extreme
media
Use synonyms
 attention that goes beyond their professional lives. Reporters and paparazzi follow them everywhere, publishing photos or stories about their families, relationships, or private problems.
This
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 can cause stress and affect their mental health.
beside of
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Besides
show examples
this
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, many celebrities have publicly spoken about anxiety and depression caused by
media
Use synonyms
 pressure.
It is clear that
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 everyone, including public figures, should have the right to privacy and respect.
On the other hand
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, fame naturally attracts attention. Many celebrities use the
media
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 to promote their work, products, or image. The public is curious about their lives, and
this
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 interest helps build their popularity and income.
Therefore
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, some people argue that
media
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 exposure, even when uncomfortable, is a part of being famous.
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Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
 they think that without publicity, many stars would not remain successful. In my opinion,
while
Linking Words
 some attention is understandable, the
media
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 should respect clear limits. Reporting on a celebrity’s career is acceptable, but invading their personal life is unfair. Everyone deserves a certain level of privacy, no matter how famous they are. In conclusion,
i
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I
show examples
 think that the
media
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 should show more responsibility and focus on information that truly matters, not on personal gossip.

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language
Fix grammar and spelling errors. For example, change 'beside of this' to 'besides this', 'i think' to 'I think', and start sentences with a capital letter.
development
Make ideas clearer and add specific example for each view. This helps show you really know the issue.
coherence
Use simple links to tie ideas. Start new ideas with short sentences and use words like 'first', 'also', 'but', 'however'.
structure
The essay tries to show both sides and gives your own view.
coherence
It uses 'on the one hand' and 'on the other hand' to show balance.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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