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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The pie chart below shows the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive. The table shows how these causes affected three region of the world during the 1990's

The pie chart below shows the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive. The table shows how these causes affected three region of the world during the 1990's
The pie chart illustrates
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the reason behind worldwide
land
Use synonyms
 surface degradation,
while
Linking Words
 the table
demonestrates
Correct your spelling
demonstrates
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the consequences of
land
Use synonyms
 productivity
minimization
Change the spelling
minimisation
show examples
 in three regions : North America, Europe, and Oceania, for a decade from the year of 1990 to 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
over grazing
Use the right word
overgrazing
show examples
 of domestic animals
Linking Words
for
Punctuation problem
, for
show examples
 example,
Fix the agreement mistake
cows
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cow
Punctuation problem
cow,
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 was the main reason
of decreasing
Replace the word
for the decrease
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of
Change preposition
in
show examples
land
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 Europe had lost
height
Check wording
a significant
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 amount of
land
Use synonyms
fertail quality
Correct your spelling
fertility
.
Over grazing
Use the right word
Overgrazing
show examples
 by
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
show examples
 caused 35% surface degradation
Punctuation problem
, where
show examples
where
Correct word choice
while
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
deforestation
30
Verb problem
caused 30
show examples
%
land
Use synonyms
 degradation
occured
Verb problem
apply
show examples
.
Contribution
Correct article usage
The contribution
show examples
 of over-cultivation was not much less than the two. For
this
Linking Words
 28%
land
Use synonyms
 loss
was happened
Verb problem
occurred
show examples
.
Lastly
Linking Words
,
rest
Verb problem
the remaining
show examples
 7%
land
Use synonyms
 quality losses
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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done
Verb problem
caused
show examples
 by other factors.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, among the three
areas
Add a comma
areas,
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 Europe faced most of the
land
Use synonyms
 losses.
Here
Punctuation problem
Here,
show examples
 deforestation impacted the highest
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 was 9.8%. The second number was held by Oceania, mainly
islands
Correct article usage
the islands
show examples
 of
Australlia
Correct your spelling
Australia
 and New Zealand, where the main reason was over-grazing
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it was 11.3%.

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words land with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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