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Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below shows the number of girls per 100 boys enrolled in different levels of school education.

The chart below shows the number of girls per 100 boys enrolled in different levels of school education.
The chart provided compares the quantity of
girls
Use synonyms
 per 100 boys
registred
Use the right word
registered
show examples
 in diverse stages of school
education
Use synonyms
 between the years 1990 and 1998 in each
catecory
Correct your spelling
category
. First of all, we can see that Developed
coutries
Correct your spelling
countries
 seem to have
larger
Correct article usage
a larger
show examples
 number compared to states that are still in the developing stage and
also
Linking Words
its
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it's
show examples
preaty
Correct your spelling
pretty
 evident that
between
Change preposition
over
show examples
 the years all the
girls
Use synonyms
numbers have
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
incresed
Correct your spelling
increased
. In Primary
Use synonyms
education
Add a comma
education,
show examples
ve
Correct pronoun usage
we
show examples
 can see a very slight growth
both
Fix capitalization
Both
show examples
 in the developing and developed
countries
Punctuation problem
countries,
show examples
form
Use the right word
from
show examples
 83 to 87 and 95 to 96
females
Punctuation problem
, females
show examples
 per 100 men. In the second
education
Use synonyms
category
Add a comma
category,
show examples
 we can see
grater
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greater
show examples
achivements
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achievements
form
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from
show examples
 the states in development
riseing
Correct your spelling
rising
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
by about 10
girls
Use synonyms
 per boy, but the developed states do not
lack
Verb problem
lag
show examples
behing
Correct your spelling
behind
almost
Punctuation problem
, almost
show examples
 reaching the target line at 99
girls
Use synonyms
 per 100 boys. Tertiary
education
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 follows the
up trend
Use the right word
uptrend
show examples
 of the
outher
Correct your spelling
other
 categories
developing
Punctuation problem
. Developing
show examples
countryes
Correct your spelling
countries
 rose by 9
Punctuation problem
, witch
show examples
witch
Use the right word
which
show examples
 is a
segnificant
Correct your spelling
significant
inproval
Correct your spelling
improvement
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 in developed
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
 the number of
girls
Use synonyms
excedeed
Correct your spelling
exceeded
 the target at 112
girls
Use synonyms
 per 100 boys.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Linking words: Add more linking words.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words girls, education with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 2 times.
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