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Writing Samples
Band 5

It has been observed that obesity among children has increased a lot in the modern period. Why is it so? How can this be solved?

In recent years, a significant increase in the number of obese
children
Use synonyms
is
Wrong verb form
has been
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 reported. The main reasons for
this
Linking Words
 can be attributed to the changing lifestyle practices and a growing trend of unhealthy food habits. The following essay delves into these reasons in detail before discussing viable measures to
kerb
Verb problem
curb
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 its effect. One of the major reasons is
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
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 lifestyle. As
children
Use synonyms
 are allowed to use
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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 and telecommunication systems
unrestraintly
Correct your spelling
unrestrainedly
, they are left with little social exposure.
In addition
Linking Words
, their engagement in physical activities has declined sharply.
This
Linking Words
 can be rectified by fostering the young kids to play with their peers. Ensuring
active
Correct article usage
the active
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 participation of students in different games and sports can eventually ignite their interest in them. At
houses
Use the right word
homes
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, a scheduled and monitored screen time can reduce their dependence on virtual platforms
such
Linking Words
 as video games.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the incorporation of junk foods into their meals has favoured the
hike
Check wording
rise
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 of obesity and overweight. As the frequency of dining from
resturants
Correct your spelling
restaurants
 has peaked today of all time, it affects the health of kids. It can be solved by following a healthy and balanced diet for
children
Use synonyms
.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the rate of obesity and its associated health risks can be brought down.
For instance
Linking Words
, the schools offering meals
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 follow a diet chart prescribed by a dietician, which considers the dietary
requirement
Fix the agreement mistake
requirements
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 of a growing child for their age. In conclusion, both an inactive lifestyle and
improperly
Correct article usage
an improperly
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 balanced meal plan contribute
for
Change preposition
to
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 the increasing rate of obesity among
children
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. Encouraging physical
exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
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 and a healthy food culture can resolve these issues to a greater extent. A combined effort from parents
as well as
Linking Words
 schools can help to achieve
this
Linking Words
 in a shorter duration
efficiently
Punctuation problem
, efficiently
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.

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structure
Have a clear start. Say your main idea in the first line.
content
Give more exact facts or data to back your claims.
content
Add one clear example for each point you make.
language
Use simple link words to show order and contrast.
language
Check spelling and word choice to avoid mistakes.
content
The essay shows two main causes and two solutions.
language
It uses clear order with sequencing words like 'firstly' and 'secondly'.
structure
Conclusion restates the main idea.
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