IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries around the world young people decide to leave their parents’ home once they finish school. They start living on their own or sharing a house with friends. Is this a positive or a negative development?

In many Western countries,
such
Linking Words
 as Australia and Germany, many young
people
Use synonyms
 leave their parents' home after graduating from high school. I think
this
Linking Words
 is a positive development, as it pushes them to grow into more responsible, autonomous, and resilient adults. In the rest of
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will
further
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 develop these reasons to support my position. Personally, I think that if young
people
Use synonyms
 continue to stay at home, they lose out on essential opportunities to acquire new skills,
such
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 as getting a job, starting a sharehouse with friends, and learning how to look after themselves. Without these skills, young
people
Use synonyms
 cannot assume responsibility for their actions and may continue to rely on their parents or older family members to finish basic life tasks.
Such
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 mollycoddling stunts their growth and can set them up for failure in future. Once young
people
Use synonyms
 become more comfortable managing day-to-day tasks, they will
also
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 feel more confident and competent in their abilities.
For example
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, some of my most outstanding University students live independently and often tell me that leaving their parental home was a huge milestone in their journey towards greater autonomy and self-belief.
However
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, one might worry that in our contemporary world, where we face immense financial and cost-of-living pressures, we should not leave young
people
Use synonyms
 to fend for themselves. I think
this
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 worry is misguided.
According to
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 a study conducted by Harvard University, independent young
people
Use synonyms
 fare better than dependent young
people
Use synonyms
 in navigating the challenges and hardships that life
thows
Correct your spelling
throws
 at them. In
this
Linking Words
 way, they can hone their resilience and improve at overcoming adversity.
To conclude
Linking Words
, we are witnessing a positive development with young
people
Use synonyms
. As more and more of them choose to live on their own or with friends to pursue their dreams and ambitions, we can rest assured that the future of our
worl
Correct your spelling
world
 will be left in secure hands.

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task
For task response, state your view clearly in each part and add more strong examples to back each point.
task
For task response, address a counterargument in more depth and give clear reasoning to keep your view strong.
coherence
For coherence, make sure each paragraph has a main idea and use linking words to show how ideas are linked.
strength
Clear position and a steady flow of ideas from start to end.
strength
Use of linking words such as However and To conclude helps the flow.
strength
Introduces the topic and sets up the points well.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • self-reliance
  • financial responsibility
  • social isolation
  • housing demand
  • personal growth
  • financial strain
  • problem-solving
  • decision-making skills
  • disrupt
  • support networks
What to do next:
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