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Writing Samples
Band 7

In some countries, it is becoming increasingly common for people to follow a vegetarian diet. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays, the trend of a vegetarian
diet
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 has become more common worldwide.
While
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this
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 practice can be highly beneficial for the environment, it
also
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 presents certain drawbacks. In my opinion, the advantages of becoming a vegetarian outweigh the disadvantages. One major benefit is that stopping the consumption of
meat
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 can prevent
further
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 climate change. If the demand for livestock consumption declines, there will be no need to clear more land for farming.
This
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 approach allows natural green spaces to continue their role in absorbing carbon dioxide and producing oxygen.
For example
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, statistics provided by an environmental working group show that deforestation in Kalimantan fell by about 20% after the demand for
meat
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 decreased.
In addition
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, vegetarian lifestyles
also
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 reduce the potential risk of chronic diseases,
such
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 as heart attacks, diabetes, and higher cholesterol levels.
On the other hand
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, following a vegetarian
diet
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 causes a lack of nutrition.
This
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 is mainly because some nutrients in
meat
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 and fish, including vitamin B12, iron, and omega-3, are not found in other foods.
For instance
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, iron from plant sources tends to be more difficult for the body to absorb compared to iron from
meat
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 sources, leading to anaemia in certain people.
Moreover
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, shifting towards a plant-based
diet
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 requires detailed meal plans to meet one’s daily intake, and particularly needs help from professional nutritionists.
As a result
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, vegetarians should spend more budget on
such
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 consultation and special food products, considering that it is unaffordable for low-income groups. In conclusion, adopting a vegetarian
diet
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 can help protect the environment
while
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also
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 lowering the risk of several health problems.
However
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,
this
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 practice
also
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 leads to malnutrition and is money-consuming.

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task response
Your view is clear and you answer the task, but expand more on why the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. add a short, strong closing idea that ties your main points to the task.
coherence cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly within and between paragraphs. Use clear topic sentences and end each paragraph with a sentence that shows how it supports your view. Use simple connectives (first, next, also, but, therefore).
coherence cohesion
Be careful with facts and numbers. If you use a specific statistic or claim, check its accuracy or say it as an example. Keep terms easy and avoid hard words that may confuse the reader.
strength
Clear position and a straightforward view on the issue.
strength
Even balance, giving both the good and bad sides.
strength
Well set structure with a separate introduction, body, and conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Vegetarian diet
  • Chronic diseases
  • Carbon footprint
  • Deforestation
  • Animal welfare
  • Nutritional deficiencies
  • Balanced intake
  • Societal norms
  • Meat-dominant
  • Sustainable living
  • Plant-based proteins
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