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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The bar chart shows the number of visitors to three London Museums between 2007 and 2012. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart shows the number of visitors to three London Museums between 2007 and 2012. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The graph below provides key information
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 how the number of
visitors
Use synonyms
change
Correct subject-verb agreement
changes
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 in three London museums
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
From
Fix capitalization
from
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 2007 to 2012. The units were measured in millions. The data
was
Verb problem
apply
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appeared clearly in the graph.
Overall
Linking Words
, the highest
changes
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
in
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 the
visitors
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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increased
Verb problem
apply
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in the National Gallery.
However
Linking Words
, the lowest
Use synonyms
changes
Fix the agreement mistake
change
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of
Change preposition
in
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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visitors
Use synonyms
 was
decreased
Verb problem
apply
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in the British
museum
Fix capitalization
Museum
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. On the one in, in terms of
changes
Use synonyms
,
according to
Linking Words
 the highest data,
Correct article usage
the
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National Gallery, in 2012 , the number of
visitors
Use synonyms
were
Verb problem
apply
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increased dramatically,
at
Change preposition
to
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 about 15
million
Use synonyms
 ,
while
Linking Words
 it fell in 2007
at
Change preposition
to
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 about 7
million
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in terms of
changes
Use synonyms
,
according to
Linking Words
 the lowest data,
British
Correct article usage
the British
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museum
Fix capitalization
Museum
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, in 2008 and 2009, the number of
visitors
Use synonyms
were
Verb problem
apply
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decreased significantly, from 4 to 6
million
Use synonyms
. More over it
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
increased rapidly from 2010 to 2012 at almost 14
million
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "according to".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words visitors, changes, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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