The needs of old people and young people are similar, so both should get equal government support. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Certainly, some claim that the
government
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should give similar help to the elderly and the youth. In
this
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essay
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essay,
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I will explain why I tend to disagree with
this
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view. I conceded there could be some benefits
that
Correct word choice
if
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the
government
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can
Wrong verb form
could
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treat
people
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of different ages fairly, and perhaps the most obvious one is that
this
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can promote social stability. When the
government
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gives similar
servers
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services
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for
Change preposition
to
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them, they typically feel satisfied or fair, in turn making them live and work in space and contentment, which is extremely beneficial to social safety.
For example
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, in the medical field, the
government
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tends to provide free mental health
counseling
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counselling
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and health check-ups for both young
people
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and the elderly, giving them
with
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apply
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some
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
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equal medical support.
Consequently
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,
this
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arguably increases the
overall
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social health.
However
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, I believe that the
government
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should treat young
people
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and the elderly differently. One reason is that
people
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of different age groups have different needs. My grandmother,
for instance
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, doesn't know how to use a
smart phone
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smartphone
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. As
such
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, she may need to participate in some club training to learn how to use it, which usually means
this
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is quite different from the demands of young
people
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. Another reason is that the abilities of young
people
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and the elderly are different. If the
government
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invests resources in education, young
people
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usually bring more returns than older
people
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, and
this
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potentially indicates that young
people
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have stronger learning abilities, which tells us to allocate resources reasonably. In conclusion,
while
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providing a similar level of
government
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support to both young
people
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and the elderly has certain benefits, I feel that reasonable resource allocation brings more benefits.

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task response
Be clear your view at the start and keep it in all the essay.
lexical accuracy
Fix wrong word use that may make read hard. Use the right form (services, not servers).
task response
Give one good example for each point and explain how it shows your reason.
coherence
Use more linking words to join ideas smoothly.
conclusion
End with a short restate of your view and a brief sum of main reasons.
task response
Clear start with a view.
coherence
Body ideas link to the main view.
examples
Some good examples used.
structure
The essay has proper parts: intro, two body parts and conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial support
  • retirement pension
  • cost of living
  • healthcare expenses
  • quality of life
  • limited income
  • financial independence
  • personal responsibility
  • preparedness
  • government subsidies
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