IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Social media has become a real problem for some young people today, and governments should create laws that allow only people over 18 years of age to have accounts. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

It has been argued that social
media
Use synonyms
changed
Verb problem
has
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 to a real issue for some younger people lately, and the government need to create
loaws
Correct your spelling
laws
 to
don't
Verb problem
prevent
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 allow under 18 years of age
to have
Change preposition
from having
show examples
 accounts on the platforms which has caused problems. I partly agree
the
Correct article usage
that
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 some
rules
Use synonyms
 are needed, but a full ban for those
youngs
Use the right word
young
show examples
is
Check wording
people is
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 not the best solution.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
It's
Fix capitalization
it's
show examples
 not
such
Linking Words
a
Correct article usage
an
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 easy job to apply the 18+ law because they may use
parents
Check wording
parents'
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 or friends' accounts
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it could limit learning and
socializing
Change the spelling
socialising
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it can affect their mental health because they may find themselves
in
Change preposition
under
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 pressure
of
Change preposition
in
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 the
techonology
Correct your spelling
technology
 era and the limitations which don't allow them to use it.
In addition
Linking Words
, as much as we try to keep them away from social
media
Use synonyms
 or anything else which can
harmful
Verb problem
be harmful
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 for
them
Punctuation problem
them,
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 they get more stimulated and find a way to try it
due to
Linking Words
 their curious nature
in
Change preposition
at
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 specific age.
However
Linking Words
, there are safer
rules
Use synonyms
 that can work. To illustrate, strong age verifications, good privacy
sittings
Use the right word
settings
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, and clear content limits which can
laed
Correct your spelling
lead
 to
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 a managed area and create the needed space for teenagers who are
intersted
Correct your spelling
interested
 to get
involve
Wrong verb form
involved
show examples
 in
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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 and
media
Use synonyms
. By
creaing
Correct your spelling
creating
 laws to ban them
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
such
Linking Words
 a significant time
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their
Replace the word
growth
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growing
Add a comma
growing,
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 it will make them
to
Verb problem
apply
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find
illigal
Correct your spelling
illegal
 ways to join in online activities
Punctuation problem
, as
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as
Change preposition
like
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 their
other
Correct word choice
apply
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peers
which
Fix the agreement mistake
who
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 are over 18. Thereby, it is better to give them the space and let them find out what is good and bad for them
instead
Linking Words
 of
negotiating
Verb problem
forcing
show examples
 them in a way that we are willing for.
In addition
Linking Words
, there are other alternatives as well,
that is
Linking Words
 more
influencing
Replace the word
influential
show examples
 and can develop their trust than limiting
rules
Use synonyms
. An example of
this
Linking Words
 is the role of platforms and the law. Platforms should show
warning
Correct article usage
a warning
show examples
, remove harmful material quickly and give tools for safety. Laws should
incourage
Correct your spelling
encourage
 protection
instead
Linking Words
 of
stop
Wrong verb form
stopping
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 people from using social
media
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
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,
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 partly agree.
protect
Fix capitalization
Protect
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 young people with safety
rules
Use synonyms
 and education, but do not ban access for all under 18. A mix of
rules
Use synonyms
, education, and support works best.

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task response
State a clear yes or no in the first line and keep the view. Then give main reasons that fit the view.
task response
Make a plan with 3 big ideas. Put each in one paragraph with a clear topic sentence.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words to show move from idea to idea. Use words like first, also, but, finally, in conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Keep the intro short and the conclusion close to the idea. Do not add new big ideas in the end.
task response
Give one or two clear examples for each idea. They can be simple facts.
task response
The essay shows a view and a balance of ideas.
coherence cohesion
There is a ending that sums up the view.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • people
  • age
  • law
  • government
  • should
  • could
  • might
  • need
  • fair
  • ban
  • limit
  • online
  • media
  • social
  • young
  • adult
  • child
  • parent
  • school
  • learn
  • harm
  • safety
  • protect
  • privacy
  • trust
  • control
  • rule
  • policy
  • access
  • information
  • enforce
  • possible
  • solution
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