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Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph below gives information from a 2008 report about consumption of energy in the USA since 1980 withprojections until 2030.

The graph below gives information from a 2008 report about consumption of energy in the USA since 1980 withprojections until 2030.
The line chart illustrates information from a 2008 report about
consumption
Correct article usage
the consumption
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 of energy in the USA since
1980
Punctuation problem
1980,
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 with predictions until 2030.
Overall
Linking Words
, petrol and oil remained by far the dominant source throughout the period and
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 expected to continue rising by 2030. Meanwhile, the figure of other sources
also
Linking Words
 saw a rise, with
prediction
Correct article usage
the prediction
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 that it would still grow by 2030, except for hydropower, which dropped slightly during the same period. During the period of 1980 to 1985, petrol and oil started
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 35
units
Use synonyms
, which was evidently high.
However
Linking Words
, the figure dropped to approximately 30
units
Use synonyms
 by 1985.
In addition
Linking Words
, natural gas shared the same trend, which increased by roughly 5
units
Use synonyms
. Other sources saw an upward trend, increasing by 2
units
Use synonyms
 respectively. From 1985, petrol and oil rose apparently with predictions to reach 50
units
Use synonyms
until
Change preposition
by
show examples
 2030.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, coal and natural gas
also
Linking Words
 increased, approaching 32
units
Use synonyms
 and 32
units
Use synonyms
respectively
Punctuation problem
, respectively
show examples
.
By contrast
Linking Words
, nuclear, solar/wind, and hydropower unfolded subtle fluctuation between 8–10
units
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words units with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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