IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this question. Many people today are worried about 'cybercrime' such as hacking and identity theft. What problems does 'cybercrime' cause, and what solutions can you suggest for ordinary people and businesses to take? Give reasons for your answer, and provide ideas and examples from your own experience. Many people today find it difficult to balance the demands of their life. What are the causes of this situation, and what can individuals and e the problem?

In recent times, cybercrime has undeniably ignited a widespread debate. In my opinion,
this
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 is attributable to the increasing number of individuals who
utilize
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utilise
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 technology to store and transmit sensitive data.
Therefore
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, there are a number of problems that people experience
as a result
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 of these crimes;
however
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, some straightforward measures that can be taken to protect ourselves will be clarified and elucidated in
this
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 essay. On the one hand, it is evident that cybercrime has caused significant problems, the most prominent of which is the financial impact.
For example
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, if an individual's bank account is emptied
,
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 or if fraudulent credit lines are created under their name, they are potentially liable for substantial sums of money. Even if victims can avoid the consequences, their bank or finance company has to cover the losses, which can impair its performance.
Furthermore
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, an additional problem is that these stolen funds are often used to finance other criminal activities, including drug trafficking and even terrorism. Once the money enters criminal networks, there is no way to ascertain its subsequent application.
Finally
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, there is the issue of anxiety and stress inflicted upon innocent victims of these crimes. The initial shock is often followed by months or years of legal wrangling, paperwork, and a sense of insecurity. On the one hand, it is essential to recognise that there are a multitude of possible solutions that can be implemented; probably the most effective measure is to improve personal security, ranging from passwords to the shredding of documents.
This
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 deprives criminals of the resources necessary for their activities.
Secondly
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, it is crucial to enhance awareness of the risks among the elderly and the very young—two demographics frequently targeted—through publicity and public education initiatives. Ultimately,
however
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, financial institutions can make the most significant contribution by enhancing their security and detection systems, ideally in collaboration with law enforcement.
Overall
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, the problems caused are both financial and social, and the solutions should involve not only individuals and enterprises, but
also
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 the state.

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task
Make the main view clear in the first line and keep it in all parts. Add more steps for each idea. Give more exact examples from life or work.
coherence
Use a clear order in the essay. Use plan words like 'first', 'next', 'also', 'however', 'in addition'. Do not repeat the same phrase too often.
task
In the body, add more real steps people can take and more on how a business can guard data. Give a short, real life story or clear example.
coherence
Explain the problem of cybercrime in a simple way and end with a strong, short conclusion that restates the view.
task response
The essay keeps to the topic of cybercrime and shows its harms.
coherence
It gives examples of money and fear as problems, which helps the reader.
task response
The ending tells that many groups must work together, not just one side.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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