IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many societies has homeless people. Some people think the best way to help them is to give them money. To what extent do you agree?

It is said that the best way to help homeless
people
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 is to offer them
money
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. I partially agree with
this
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 statement. I believe that giving
people
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money
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 at any time can be helpful.
However
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, I do not agree that
this
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 strategy is the best one for homeless
people
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. Some aspects of
this
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 idea are true.
However
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, the
overall
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 statement is unfounded.
This
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 essay will provide evidence to support my point of view. Offering
money
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 to those who need it can drastically help improve their
situation
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. Many end up on the streets
as a result
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 of an unfortunate turn of fate.
For instance
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, many suffer financial deprivation
as a result
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 of an economic crisis they are forced to face. Eventually, expenses keep piling on top of one another without proper reconciliation , leading to the gradual degradation of their living conditions.
Thus
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, taking care of their compounded expenses would surely kickstart their life back into action. In hindsight, financially aiding those who are less fortunate than others can greatly benefit their
situation
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 and help them get back on their feet.
On the contrary
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, blatantly offering
money
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 to
people
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 without expense can be counterproductive. As there are many unfortunate individuals, there are many who
placed
Verb problem
have placed
show examples
 themselves in an unfortunate
situation
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as a result
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 of a series of uncalculated and immature decisions.
For example
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, it is common to see greater quantities of homeless
people
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 in areas associated with gambling or chronic drug use.
Consequently
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, many take advantage of the offerings they are given. In many cases, some reinvest their little
money
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 they are offered back into the things that got them into their unfortunate
situation
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. Ultimately, openly offering financial aid could lead to an increase in homelessness and unemployment. In conclusion, I can not completely agree with the idea of giving out
money
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 to whoever needs it.
Although
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 it can be greatly beneficial in some instances, generally, giving out
money
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 can have dire consequences on a regional level.
Therefore
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, offering homeless
people
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money
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 is not the best way to help them.

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Task response
Plan your essay. Start with a clear view in the first line and keep to it.
Coherence and cohesion
Grammar and style
Fix grammar and word choice. Use simple words; avoid long, hard words.
Task approach
Your stance is clear in the intro and you show two sides.
Coherence
You use linking words like 'On the contrary' to show a turn in idea.
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