IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that many cities around thw world are now one big traffic jam. How true do you thing this statement is? What measures can governments takes to disocurage people from using their cars?

In
this
Linking Words
 constantly evolving era, where the average income of people has increased, people have started purchasing their own cars throughout the world, which has given birth to various issues
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as jam-packed
roads
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
major cities. For
this
Linking Words
, the higher authorities should take appropriate actions to curb
this
Linking Words
 problem. Both of the ideas would be
captivated
Verb problem
captured
show examples
 in the forthcoming paragraphs
along with
Linking Words
 the conclusion. There are various reasons behind
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
purchasing their own cars
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 the foremost one is their desire to live a luxurious lifestyle
;
Punctuation problem
. As
show examples
as a result
Linking Words
, they feel inferior when they have to travel by public transport, and
this
Linking Words
 practice results in various hazardous outcomes. To cite an example,
due to
Linking Words
 the rise in average income, people have started possessing a keen desire to live a high-standard lifestyle, which stimulates them to have their own vehicles to commute the various places
like
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
office
Correct article usage
the office
show examples
, on a daily basis.
Consequently
Linking Words
, in major metropolises, jam-packed
roads
Use synonyms
 with cars can be seen, which emit various harmful gases that pollute the environment. The affirmative actions should be taken by the governments to tackle
this
Linking Words
 problem, and the use of public transport is one of them, which will not only lower the number of automobiles on the highways, but it will certainly reduce the environmental risks.
For instance
Linking Words
, the legislation should encourage the use of city buses in the cosmopolises, which are convenient
as well as
Linking Words
luxurious
Punctuation problem
luxurious,
show examples
 to
grasp
Verb problem
tackle
show examples
 the
nettle
Check wording
problem
show examples
 of constantly increasing traffic on
roads
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 it is comfortable to travel in own
vehicles
Fix the agreement mistake
vehicle
show examples
, the adverse consequences of
this
Linking Words
 practice cannot be neglected.
Thus
Linking Words
, citizens
as well as
Linking Words
 the higher authorities should come forward to overcome the issue of traffic jams on
roads
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To improve, give a clearer view of how true the statement is, with simple facts or common sense ideas.
grammar
Make each main idea in its own short sentence. Use only simple words and limit long phrases.
content
Add more clear ideas on what the government can do, with step by step actions.
structure
Intro says what the essay will cover.
content
There is a clear view and a closing paragraph.
structure
The topic is easy to follow for readers.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: