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Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people today are worried about 'cybercrime' such as hacking and identity theft. What problems does 'cybercrime' cause, and what solutions can you suggest for ordinary people and businesses to take? Give reasons for your answer, and provide ideas and examples from your own experience.

In recent years, the topic of
cybercrime
Use synonyms
 has emerged as a matter of significant concern to the general public.
This
Linking Words
 issue has caused a wide range of problems that people have to suffer from day-to-day, and there are various straightforward measures that can protect
ourselves
Correct pronoun usage
us
show examples
 from those
crimes
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, it is necessary for individuals to acknowledge the substantial challenges that
cybercrime
Use synonyms
 brings about.
Initially
Linking Words
, there are numerous financial impacts
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the community, especially businesses. If someone has his or her bank account emptied, or a false credit card or credit lines created under their name, they are potentially liable for a large sum of
money
Use synonyms
. Even if they avoid these consequences, their bank or financial company has to cover the losses, which will damage their performance.
Moreover
Linking Words
, a pivotal consideration is that the stolen funds can be used for other
crimes
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as drug distribution and terrorism. Once the
money
Use synonyms
flies
Verb problem
flows
show examples
 into criminal networks, it is tough for police officers to keep track of. Ultimately, it is noteworthy that there are several problems related to mental well-being.
For instance
Linking Words
, innocent victims may suffer from stress, depression, and anxiety caused by these cybercrimes nowadays.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there is a wide range of potential ways to protect ourselves from online
crimes
Use synonyms
.
Initially
Linking Words
, improving a sense of personal security is the most pivotal thing.
This
Linking Words
 denies
crimes
Use synonyms
Correct pronoun usage
that used
show examples
used
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 raw materials to work with.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it is essential to raise
the awareness among
Correct word order
awareness among the
show examples
 elderly
as well as
Linking Words
 the young,
whom
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
most
Verb problem
are most
show examples
crimes
Use synonyms
target
Check wording
apply
show examples
.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least, companies should develop their security and detection
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
, and always double-check their information. They can be in partnership with
police
Correct article usage
the police
show examples
 to stay safe in an online environment. In conclusion, an analysis highlights the complexities in society nowadays. On one hand,
cybercrime
Use synonyms
 brings about a lot of issues,
such
Linking Words
 as the loss of
money
Use synonyms
, responsibility for the
money
Use synonyms
 created under our name without knowing, and the impact on mental health.
Therefore
Linking Words
, we need to be careful and implement various measures.
This
Linking Words
 essay prompts individuals and enterprises to consider and be discreet with
cybercrime
Use synonyms
.

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structure
Use clear topic sentences and keep one main idea in each paragraph.
lexical
Fix odd word use and make phrases clear so meaning is easy to see.
grammar
Shorten long sentences and use simple grammar to avoid run on lines.
solutions
Give more specific steps to help both people and firms with cyber crime.
examples
Add more real life examples with small numbers to show impact.
overview
There is a plan in the essay with problems and fix ideas.
organization
The essay has a clear form: start, body, end.
content
An example of money loss shows why cybercrime is important.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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