IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Modern agricultural technologies such as fertilizer, pesticide and modern machinery can feed the world better. However it is negative to human health. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Modern agricultural technologies have greatly improved global
food
Use synonyms
 production by increasing efficiency and crop yields.
However
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, I agree that
while
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 these innovations help to feed the world,
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however
Rephrase
apply
show examples
their overuse can bring serious harm to human health and the environment.
To begin
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 with, Modern technology in farming improves efficiency and ensures
food
Use synonyms
 security.
Fertilizers
Change the spelling
Fertilisers
show examples
 and machines help farmers produce more crops in a shorter time, preventing
food
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 shortages. Farmers can now grow more crops within a shorter time, which ensures a stable
food
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 supply for a growing population.
For example
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, the Green Revolution enabled many developing countries to reduce hunger through the use of chemical
fertilizers
Change the spelling
fertilisers
show examples
 and irrigation systems.
This
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 shows that technological progress in agriculture has contributed to economic stability and
food
Use synonyms
 security in many parts of the world.
Nevertheless
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, these benefits often come with hidden dangers. Excessive use of chemical
fertilizers
Change the spelling
fertilisers
show examples
 and pesticides can leave harmful residues in
food
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 and has direct consequences on human health. Chemical residues can enter the
food
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 chain, causing long-term problems
such
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 as respiratory illness, hormonal imbalance, and even cancer.
In addition
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, the pollution of soil and water from these substances damages ecosystems and reduces soil fertility in the long run.
Therefore
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, the short-term gains in productivity may lead to long-term risks for both humans and nature. In conclusion, I agree that
although
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 modern agricultural technologies are essential for feeding the global population, their misuse can seriously threaten human health. Governments and farmers should work together to adopt more sustainable and eco-friendly farming practices to achieve both productivity and safety.

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improvement
Be sure to show your view clearly in the first line and keep it the same through the essay.
improvement
Make one main idea per paragraph and link it to your view.
improvement
Use one good example and give clear facts to show why it matters.
improvement
Use short, simple sentences and fix small grammar errors (like not using two 'however').
strength
Good use of the example Green Revolution.
strength
You show both sides and try to balance help and harm.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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