IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Question: some people believe that sport is an essential part of school life for children, while others feel it should be purely optional. Discus both views and give your opinion

It is argued that people think that sport is a vital part of schooling for
children
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 others say it
better
Verb problem
is better
show examples
 to be selective for them. As
i am
Verb problem
I
show examples
agreed
Wrong verb form
agree
show examples
 with the second view
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 i will explain my reasons
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
below. On the one hand, as
sports
Use synonyms
 play an essential role
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 human
beings
Check wording
beings'
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 life and health
;
Punctuation problem
,
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 it is a great idea that
children
Use synonyms
 be involved with physical activities
beside
Change preposition
besides
show examples
 educational studies
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is like to kill two
bird
Fix the agreement mistake
birds
show examples
 with one stone. In
another word
Fix the agreement mistake
other words
show examples
, getting educated in both aspects of health and knowledge. To illustrate, if
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 support
this
Linking Words
idea
Punctuation problem
idea,
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 our
children
Use synonyms
 are
suppossed
Correct your spelling
supposed
 to learn how to be healthy from the very first years of their growing
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is really helpful for having a literate and healthy society.
In
Change preposition
On
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 the other hand, there can be an important
obstcle
Correct your spelling
obstacle
 that
all
Rephrase
not all
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children
Use synonyms
aren't
Rephrase
are
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 interested
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 exercises or they may find it unrelated to their daily and future study plan.
Therefore
Linking Words
, despite all the benefits it comes with,
still there can
Correct word order
there can still
show examples
 be
children
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 who are enthusiastic in other fields of
sports
Use synonyms
not
Punctuation problem
, not
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 those which are part
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
 education system in schools. And these reasons may discourage
government
Correct article usage
the government
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about
Change preposition
from
show examples
 funding
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
various
sports
Use synonyms
 for every student. For
instant
Replace the word
instance
show examples
, if schools provide classes for different
sports
Use synonyms
 and students
don't
Verb problem
aren't
show examples
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
motivated to do the course
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their own
wishes
Check wording
free will
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 and
figure
Verb problem
consider
show examples
 it compulsory,
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it can't end up helpful but a waste of time and energy for
studend
Correct your spelling
students
 and
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 it can bring many positive effects on
individuals
Check wording
individuals'
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 lifestyle and activities and a huge difference
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their lifetime,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it is concerning that
due to
Linking Words
 various
figures
Check wording
factors
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
sports
Add a comma
sports,
show examples
 it may be challenging to provide it
apporopriately
Correct your spelling
appropriately
 for pupils.

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task
State a clear view at the start and keep it in every paragraph.
structure
Make two body parts. Each has a main idea with a short example.
coherence
Use simple linking words to show how ideas are linked.
grammar
Check spelling and use easy words to fix small errors.
content
Give more real examples from school life to show points.
idea
The essay shows you know the topic and give the view.
structure
There is a clear 'To sum up' at end.
language
You use some link words to connect ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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