IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people these days are having cosmetic surgery to achieve a better appearance. Why is this happening? Do you think this is a positive or negative trend?

It is becoming increasingly common for
people
Use synonyms
 to undergo cosmetic procedures in pursuit of a more appealing appearance.
This
Linking Words
 trend is mainly driven by low self-esteem and the growing influence of social media.
Although
Linking Words
 cosmetic
surgery
Use synonyms
 can have drawbacks, I believe it brings more benefits than disadvantages when approached responsibly. One key reason behind
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon is the lack of self-confidence that affects many individuals.
People
Use synonyms
, especially women, often feel insecure
due to
Linking Words
 unrealistic beauty standards promoted by society. They compare their natural looks with the
idealized
Change the spelling
idealised
show examples
 images they see around them and feel pressured to change their physical features. For
such
Linking Words
 individuals, cosmetic
surgery
Use synonyms
 becomes a practical way to boost self-worth and feel more satisfied with their appearance. Another major factor is the impact of digital media. Social networks constantly expose users to images of celebrities and influencers with flawless looks. As
people
Use synonyms
 scroll through
this
Linking Words
 content, they start to compare themselves and focus on perceived imperfections.
This
Linking Words
 constant exposure to
idealized
Change the spelling
idealised
show examples
 beauty encourages them to consider surgical enhancement as a way to match those standards. From my perspective, improving one’s appearance through cosmetic
surgery
Use synonyms
 can be extremely advantageous, particularly for those whose professions depend on physical attractiveness. Careers in entertainment, broadcasting, or public relations often require a polished image, and enhancing one’s looks can increase confidence and professional success.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who feel more comfortable in their own skin tend to perform better in both social and professional interactions. It is
also
Linking Words
 important to
recognize
Change the spelling
recognise
show examples
 that every individual has the right to decide what makes them happy. If medical procedures help someone overcome long-term dissatisfaction with their body and achieve greater self-acceptance, their choice should be respected.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
 decisions must be made wisely, ensuring they stem from personal motivation rather than social pressure. In conclusion, the growing popularity of cosmetic
surgery
Use synonyms
 can be explained by low self-esteem and the influence of social media. Despite some potential risks, I believe these procedures can bring significant psychological and professional benefits, allowing
people
Use synonyms
 to live with more confidence and satisfaction.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Plan your essay with four clean parts: intro, two or three body parts, and a short, clear conclusion.
content
State your view clearly in the end and tie your ideas to it; this makes the task feel balanced.
content
Give more facts or clear examples to show your reasons.
language
Use simple linking words to help flow: also, but, and, for this reason.
grammar
Check word use and grammar to keep ideas easy to read.
idea
The essay has a clear view and stays on the topic.
example
It shows how looks can affect work life, which is a good example.
coherence
It connects social media to how people want to change their looks.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: