IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative developement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience.

In today’s advanced world, the number of
children
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 who spend hours every day on their
smartphones
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 has risen dramatically since electronic devices are now accessible to all ages.
This
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 essay will discuss the
reason
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reasons
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 behind
overuse
Correct article usage
the overuse
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 of
smartphones
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 in order to understand
if
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whether
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 it affects them in a beneficial way or in a negative way. Technological innovations made
a
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apply
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headway
in addition
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 to facilitating daily lives.
Smartphones
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 are capable of finishing complex tasks in under one
second
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,
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. Children
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children
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 use phones to do research online
which
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, which
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 nowadays, it is a fact that online research is way more practical than using actual books.
Moreover
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,
smartphones
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 allow individuals to create peer communication in the digital realm. The quintessential for my generation is FaceTime
which
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, which
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 allows users to chat with others from a distance.
Finally
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, phones create a personal space where
children
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 can be free without judgment.
On the other hand
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,
smartphones
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 have certain negative impacts on
children
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 that cannot be ignored. In some cases, unrestricted access to the digital world may cause issues with kids' vision
,
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apply
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 and problems with being overweight. As
smartphones
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 provide many opportunities without human effort, a number of people will be affected
with
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by
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 their health
due to
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lack
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a lack
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 of exercise.
However
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, parents are responsible for their
children
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’s screen time and make sure that they have enough exercise in their daily lives.
To conclude
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,
while
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 there are valid arguments on both sides, it seems that
smartphones
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 are beneficial tools for
children
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. Even though there are some health concerns about
overuse
Correct article usage
the overuse
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 of phones,
a
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apply
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balanced usage has positive social and academic impacts on
early age
Use the right word
early-age
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 users.

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task response
Put your main view in a clear line in the first paragraph. Make one main idea in each paragraph.
task response
Add more real life example or small facts to back up your point and make the ideas stronger.
language use
Keep each sentence short. Use simple words. Use only easy linking words to show cause, effect, and contrast.
balance
You talk about both sides and give your view.
structure
You end with a clear conclusion that states your view.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • addictive
  • engrossed
  • screen time
  • outdoor activities
  • online learning tools
  • peer pressure
  • educational apps
  • social media platforms
  • limited space
  • continuous smartphone usage
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