IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an aging population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages

In the contemporary era, technological advances and excessive awareness of
people
Use synonyms
 have significant effects on
people
Use synonyms
's lives in various aspects. It is said that
people
Use synonyms
 have more longevity compared to the past in many countries. Some individuals think that managing
this
Linking Words
 situation is difficult for governments,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that their presence benefits society. We cannot deny that the benefits of having more elderly
people
Use synonyms
 outweigh the drawbacks, and I am going to elaborate on
this
Linking Words
 in the following paragraphs. On the one hand, senior citizens have been considered valuable assets because they have a
lot
Use synonyms
 of life and professional experience, which is beneficial.
For example
Linking Words
, these
people
Use synonyms
 have a
lot
Use synonyms
 of free time after their retirement to help their children raise their grandchildren in my country.
Therefore
Linking Words
, their children have enough time to improve their personal and professional achievements, and their sense of satisfaction and happiness will grow.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the aged population can bring development by offering their advice in different fields.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Japan, the government invite them to some communities to convey their knowledge and information about their fields to the next generation.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they cannot only help society, but they
also
Linking Words
 stay active and healthy.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, older
people
Use synonyms
 usually take a
lot
Use synonyms
 of medicine
due to
Linking Words
 some chronic diseases they have.
Likewise
Linking Words
, some of them live alone, and they need to have a caregiver to meet their needs.
As a result
Linking Words
, the government should provide a budget for ensuring their basic needs,
as well as
Linking Words
 their medicine and nurses, which imposes a
lot
Use synonyms
 of pressure on the government. In conclusion, despite the financial challenges, the elderly population remains an invaluable resource that can significantly contribute to social and economic development. I recommend that all governments be grateful for having them to strengthen their position among other countries

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task
Make your view clear at the start and again at the end. Say simply that the good things of old people are more than the bad. Use one main idea per paragraph.
coherence
Use a simple plan and link words. Intro, body, then end. Each paragraph should hold one main idea and one example. Keep sentences short and to the point.
strength
The essay shows a clear view that the topic is about aging and its effects.
example
It uses a real example (Japan) to back a point.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
What to do next:
Look at other essays: