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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In the contemporary era, there have been significant issues about raising
children
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,
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;
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 one crucial issue is decision-making. It is said that some
people
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 are worried about the
children
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's rights to make their own choices because they will become arrogant
people
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 who do not think about others,
while
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 others argue that they should be allowed to choose everything, which can influence them. We cannot deny that making
decisions
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 for
children
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 can be helpful for their future. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both views and provide my own opinion. On the one hand, when
children
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 are allowed to make their own
decisions
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, they usually consider their own priorities in various aspects and do not think about other
people
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, like their
parents
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 or siblings.
As a result
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, their
parents
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 might put a lot of pressure.
Similarly
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, they will become impolite
people
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 in their future lives, which will be a destructive behaviour for social connections.
For instance
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, one of my cousins does not think about his
parents
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' financial situation.
As a consequence
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, they have to work hard constantly to fulfil their
children
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's dreams.
On the other hand
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,
children
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 who have the chance to make
decisions
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 about their own matters can foster their self-confidence. They will rely more on themselves in difficulties.
Consequently
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, making various
decisions
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 will be easier for them, especially in choosing their careers, fields of study, and life partner.
Furthermore
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, they can develop their independence.
For example
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, when they need to adapt to a new environment during their migration, they are strong enough to deal with their challenges and improve their quality of life. In conclusion,
although
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 making different
decisions
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 in childhood might make
children
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 someone, who do not think about others’ needs, it will be so rewarding for their future, and they become mature enough to rely on themselves. I recommend that their
parents
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 and teachers guide them to have more empathy and respect others’ needs
as well as
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 their own needs.

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improve
State a clear view in the first paragraph and keep to it. This helps to meet the task well.
improve
Make each paragraph focus on one main idea and link it to your view with simple words.
improve
Add stronger examples and explain how they support your point.
improve
Use simple linking words to connect sentences, like 'also', 'but', 'therefore'.
improve
Check grammar and break long sentences into two to avoid confusion.
improve
The intro should outline what you will talk about and end with a clear main idea (thesis).
structure
The essay has a plan with an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
content
It tries to show both sides and give a personal view.
coherence
Link words are used to show contrast and result.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Autonomy
  • Consequence-awareness
  • Self-centered
  • Informal decision-making education
  • Child development
  • Age-appropriate choices
  • Cognitive growth
  • Fostering independence
  • Parental guidance
  • Societal norms
  • Interpersonal consideration
  • Balance of freedom
  • Individualism versus collectivism
  • Experience-based learning
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