IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that higher education should be funded by the government. Others, however, argue that it is the responsibility of individuals to fund their higher education. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

It is argued
the
Correct word choice
that the
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government
Use synonyms
 has an obligation to support financial funds for higher
education
Use synonyms
or
Punctuation problem
, or
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people
Use synonyms
 should fund their own
advance
Replace the word
advanced
show examples
education
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine both viewpoints and provide my perspective on the potential advantages and disadvantages
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
Linking Words
 issue. First of all, highly educated
people
Use synonyms
 are valuable for a country, they can solve structural issues and establish a better foundation
about
Change preposition
for
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 regulations in the future. In order to preserve these
people
Use synonyms
, the
government
Use synonyms
 should
give
Verb problem
make
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 immense efforts, huge funding to help them
to
Verb problem
apply
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achieve great and professional
education
Use synonyms
. In Indonesia, the
government
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 grants valuable scholarships for certain individuals who have
specialties
Change the spelling
specialities
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 in science
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as Artificial Intelligence (AI), Machine Learning, or Space Aeronautics,
for example
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.
Thus
Linking Words
, after finishing their studies, they have to pay back the
government
Use synonyms
 to develop and build sophisticated technologies to solve direct and indirect issues in Indonesia.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
self-fund
Use the right word
self-funding
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 is a better option to pursue higher
education
Use synonyms
further
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. Self-funding is important for certain
people
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 who have adequate
wealths
Correct your spelling
wealth
 and they have particular objectives
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their
education
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.
For example
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, wealthy
people
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 will send their offspring to study relatable subjects which support their knowledge to replace their parents in the future.
Hence
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, they will gain profitable knowledge and
previledge
Correct your spelling
privilege
 if they study with their own money,
such
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 as they can work abroad in the future. In conclusion, it is important for the
government
Use synonyms
 to provide some scholarships to help individuals achieve their dreams. After receiving their dreams, governments will gain major benefits from these
people
Use synonyms
 afterwards.
In contrast
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, self-funding is beneficial for certain
people
Use synonyms
 in order to preserve their wealth and prosperity.

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planning
Plan your essay first. Write a short plan. Put your view in the end of the intro and in the last paragraph.
linking
Use easy linking words like also, but, however to show how ideas go together.
grammar
Check your exact grammar and word choice. Use short sentences and common words.
examples
Give a clear example for each side and show how it helps your point.
content
The essay tries to cover both sides and give a view.
structure
Intro and a final wrap are there.
examples
Some real country example is used.
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