IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

TOPIC : Some people say that private schools should not be allowed to exist. Why do people believe this? What is your opinion.

People believe that
education
Use synonyms
 is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 right for all children in the world.
However
Linking Words
, the methods
Change preposition
by how
show examples
how
Correct word choice
which
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 students get their knowledge from schools
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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raised
Verb problem
become
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into
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a constant debate. Some argue that
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 has to provide free
education
Use synonyms
 for all.
Consequently
Linking Words
, private
Use synonyms
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 should not be allowed to operate.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, private
education
Use synonyms
tend
Correct subject-verb agreement
tends
show examples
 to segregate
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
 based on economic background. First of all, the main issue that
come
Correct subject-verb agreement
comes
show examples
 across as worldwide common sense is that every
government
Use synonyms
 must
responsible
Verb problem
be responsible
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to
Change preposition
for
show examples
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
show examples
citizen's
Check wording
citizens'
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 rights, including
education
Use synonyms
. The reason that drives
this
Linking Words
 idea comes from the issue that citizens pay taxes to the
government
Use synonyms
, so that they have to provide
people
Check wording
people's
show examples
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 in return.
For example
Linking Words
, if the citizens pay vehicle taxes,
consequently
Linking Words
, they have the right to have
comfortable
Correct article usage
a comfortable
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 road. Considering that the country has various taxes to pay, the people
also
Linking Words
 have the right to
received
Wrong verb form
receive
show examples
 various
facilities
Use synonyms
, including
state
Use synonyms
 schools.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in a private
school
Use synonyms
, parents have to pay for the
education
Use synonyms
. It means that only rich families can access
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
 private
facilities
Use synonyms
. Regarding the attire,
for instance
Linking Words
, students in private
Use synonyms
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 have fancy and expensive uniforms,
while
Linking Words
 students in
state
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 only have the most modest uniform style. It will
also
Linking Words
 differ the
facilities
Use synonyms
 between
state
Use synonyms
 and private
Use synonyms
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
 as the quality of
library
Correct article usage
the library
show examples
,
school
Use synonyms
 fields, and so on. Unfortunately, in the long run, it will segregate the community into two different
polars
Correct your spelling
poles
, which are the rich and the poor.
To conclude
Linking Words
, the national authority
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 to present
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 all
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
, especially
education
Use synonyms
.
In
Change preposition
From
show examples
 my perspective,
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 must provide
state
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 to all citizens, so that no
more
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
private schools
allowed
Verb problem
are allowed
show examples
 to manage any
education
Use synonyms
. In the future,
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should ban any private
school
Use synonyms
permit
Fix the agreement mistake
permits
show examples
 and gradually transfer private
education
Use synonyms
 into
state
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
.

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Structure
Plan your writing. Start with a clear view in the first paragraph, then add 2 or 3 reasons in the body and close with a short view again.
Structure
Use one idea per paragraph. Keep each sentence simple and easy to read.
Language
Fix small grammar and word form errors, like missing 's' in 'tends' and using the right phrase 'responsible for'.
Content
Give a short example for each point so the reader can see your idea.
Coherence
Use simple link words to show cause, result and contrast, like because, so, but, also.
Content
Stands clear on what should be done about private schools.
Content
Uses an example (tax and uniforms) to support points.
Structure
Has a basic plan with an intro, body, and conclusion.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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