IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people agree that private schools are not allowed. Why? Give your opinion.

People believe that
education
Use synonyms
 is a right for all children in the world.
However
Linking Words
, the methods
which
Change preposition
by which
show examples
 students get their knowledge from
schools
Use synonyms
 have become a constant debate. Some argue that the
government
Use synonyms
 has to provide free learning for all.
Consequently
Linking Words
, private
schools
Use synonyms
 should not be allowed to operate.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, private
education
Use synonyms
 tends to segregate the community based on economic background. First of all, the main issue that comes across as worldwide common sense is that every
state
Use synonyms
 must be responsible for its
citizens
Use synonyms
' rights, including
education
Use synonyms
. The reason that drives
this
Linking Words
 idea comes from the issue that
citizens
Use synonyms
 pay taxes to the
government
Use synonyms
, so that they have to provide
people's
Change preposition
for people's
show examples
 needs in return.
For example
Linking Words
, if the
citizens
Use synonyms
 pay vehicle taxes,
consequently
Linking Words
, they have the right to have a comfortable road. Considering that the country has various taxes to pay, the people
also
Linking Words
 have the right to receive various
facilities
Use synonyms
, including
state
Use synonyms
schools
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
private
schools
Use synonyms
, parents have to pay for the
education
Use synonyms
. It means that only rich families can access private
facilities
Use synonyms
. Regarding the attire,
for instance
Linking Words
, students in private
schools
Use synonyms
 have fancy and expensive uniforms,
while
Linking Words
 students in
state
Use synonyms
schools
Use synonyms
 only have the most modest uniform style. It will
also
Linking Words
 differ the
facilities
Use synonyms
 between
state
Use synonyms
 and private
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
 as the quality of the library, school fields, and so on. Unfortunately, in the long run, it will segregate the community into two different poles, which are the rich and the poor.
To conclude
Linking Words
, the national authority has to present to all
citizen's
Check wording
citizens'
show examples
 needs, especially
education
Use synonyms
.
In
Change preposition
From
show examples
 my perspective, the
government
Use synonyms
 must provide
state
Use synonyms
schools
Use synonyms
 to all
citizens
Use synonyms
, so that no private
schools
Use synonyms
 are allowed to manage any
education
Use synonyms
. In the future, the
government
Use synonyms
 should ban any private
Use synonyms
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
 permits and gradually transfer private
education
Use synonyms
 into
state
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

tip
Plan your essay with three parts: say your view, give reasons, and finish with a plan or hopes.
strength
Clear view that private schools should be banned.
strength
Uses simple examples (tax idea, uniform cost) to back point.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: