Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays,
people
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usually tend to have more personal and professional achievements. It is said that some individuals believe that competing against
others
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improves their quality of life,
whereas
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others
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argue that if we collaborate with
others
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, we can gain more benefits. We cannot deny that teamwork has more advantages, and I am going to elaborate on
this
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in the following paragraphs. On the one hand,
people
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have been curious to have more accomplishments in their
lives
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recently.
Hence
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, they usually compare themselves with
others
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in various aspects to achieve better outcomes.
Moreover
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, they compete against each other to express their superiority in personal and professional
lives
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.
For instance
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, one of my colleagues wants to have better professional positions constantly. She has to work hard every day.
As a result
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, she cannot keep a work-life balance in her life, and her level of satisfaction decreases more and more.
On the other hand
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, when
people
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try to work together, they can utilise
others
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' experience and perspectives, which leads to rapid improvement.
Furthermore
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, cooperating with each other brings more creativity and productivity to
people
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's
lives
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.
As a result
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, they can live more efficiently, and they can save enough time to enjoy being with their loved ones.
Similarly
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,
people
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's stress will reduce by having a strong relationship and a good support system.
Consequently
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, they will have better mental health, and they will try to improve their sense of empathy in their
lives
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. In conclusion,
although
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competing against
others
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is encouraging to develop our private and professional
lives
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, it can be destructive for our
overall
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well-being. I recommend that making groups for teamwork can help us to benefit from the advantages of collaborating.

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planning
In the plan, state both sides clearly. Put a short view in the intro and a clear own view in the end.
structure
Each paragraph should have one main idea. Start with a clear topic sentence.
content
Add more real examples. One example is not enough.
linking
Use more link words to show flow, such as but, also, so, then, in addition.
grammar
Check grammar and word use. Some phrases are not natural; keep to simple patterns.
content
Clear aim of the essay and a view on teamwork at the end
structure
Use of link words to show contrast between ideas
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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