IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think success in life comes from hard work and determination, but others think there are more important factors like money and appearance. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

When it comes to the source of
success
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, people’s opinions vary. Some argue that
success
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 stems from working hard and sticking to
determination
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,
while
Linking Words
 others firmly believe that it comes from wealth and looks. From my perspective, money and
appearance
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,
as well as
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 efforts and fortitude, are all keys to
success
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, and it is essential to combine them. Hard work and
determination
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 serve as the foundation of achievement. To illustrate, the cores of effort and fortitude are executive power and mental resilience, which means if people embrace barriers, they might unwaveringly overcome them through active actions.
For instance
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, Steve Jobs, who started from scratch, created
smartphone
Correct article usage
a smartphone
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 that promoted the progress of science and technology precisely
due to
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 his strong executive power and firm belief. Money and
appearance
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 are beneficial for the development of
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
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. Essentially, they represent existing
resource
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resources
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 and the capability of gathering
resource
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resources
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, which enable industries to boost sales by promoting products through their appealing
appearance
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, with substantial financial support, thereby driving a wealth of capital inflow and forming a positive economic cycle.
For example
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, the fast-fashion brand ZARA
,
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apply
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 has boosted its annual sales by 120% through substantial promotional investment, creating numerous employment
in
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opportunities in
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 textile, design and delivery, and in turn improving global trade growth. Genuine
success
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 arises from the organic integration of subjective effort and objective conditions, neither of which can be dispensed with. Specifically, the former refers to hard work and
determination
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,
while
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 the latter denotes money and
appearance
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. Take Mi, a well-known actress in China
as
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, as
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 an example. With ample industry resources and stunning looks, she still kept working hard
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, determinedly
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determinedly
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determined
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 to improve
acting
Correct pronoun usage
her acting
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 skills, so that she became an influential young professional in the industry. In conclusion, efforts and
determination
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,
together with
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 financial resources and
appearance
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, are all crucial factors contributing to
success
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, as they represent active and objective conditions
respectively
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, respectively
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. When combined, they can
maximize
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maximise
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 the potential for achieving
success
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.

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task response
Make the main idea of each paragraph clear in a simple line at the start of the paragraph.
style
Keep sentences short and use easy words so the idea is easy to follow.
coherence
Link ideas with easy words like also, but, for example, and show how one idea leads to the next.
content
The essay shows a view on both sides and states your own view.
content
Examples are given to explain ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • perseverance
  • discipline
  • resilience
  • effort
  • tenacity
  • external factors
  • financial resources
  • favorable appearance
  • perceptions
  • advantages
  • intrinsic
  • extrinsic
  • sustainable
  • facilitating
  • undeniable
What to do next:
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