IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agree or disagree?

Many
Fix the agreement mistake
Much
show examples
 research
found
Verb problem
has found
show examples
 that
employees
Use synonyms
 have more
productivity
Use synonyms
 when working days are shorter in a
week
Use synonyms
. I am
also
Linking Words
 a firm believer
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 view. In developing countries, like Bangladesh, especially in private
sector
Use synonyms
 has long working days in a
week
Use synonyms
.
Employees
Use synonyms
 have 48 working
hours
Use synonyms
 in a
week
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 sometimes it
exceed
Correct subject-verb agreement
exceeds
show examples
 more than 48
hours
Use synonyms
. In our country,
private
Correct article usage
the private
show examples
sector
Use synonyms
, where
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of
employees
Use synonyms
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
, suffers from long working
hours
Use synonyms
.
Management
Correct article usage
The management
show examples
 and
owner
Fix the agreement mistake
owners
show examples
 of the
organization
Change the spelling
organisation
show examples
 believe that working more
hours
Use synonyms
 brings more
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 from
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
 and workers. But it is not true, many
research
Check wording
studies have
show examples
 found that having
less
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer
show examples
 working
hours
Use synonyms
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 the
productivity
Use synonyms
 of a working professional. On the basis of various research on
this
Linking Words
 topic, many countries, especially developed countries switching to
less
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer
show examples
 office
hours
Use synonyms
 to increase the
productivity
Use synonyms
 of a working professional and promote work-life balance. As a working professional, I
also
Linking Words
 feel the necessity of
shorter
Correct article usage
a shorter
show examples
 business
week
Use synonyms
. It's really
exhausted
Replace the word
exhausting
show examples
 to keep working day after day in long working
hours
Use synonyms
.
It's
Verb problem
It
show examples
take
Correct subject-verb agreement
takes
show examples
 a heavy toll on our body after working several years in
this
Linking Words
 framework. Working professionals
suffers
Correct subject-verb agreement
suffer
show examples
 from diseases,
such
Linking Words
 as obesity, diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, etc.
because
Punctuation problem
, because
show examples
 of working long
hours
Use synonyms
 and not having time for physical exercise. It
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
show examples
 extra pressure on the medical
sector
Use synonyms
. We have a population of around 200 million and
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
finding
Verb problem
is finding
show examples
 it hard to provide medical
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
show examples
 to
the all
Correct word order
all the
show examples
 people of Bangladesh. Having long working
hours
Use synonyms
 indirectly
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
show examples
 extra pressure on the medical
sector
Use synonyms
, which will be very tough for the
government
Use synonyms
 to provide medical
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
show examples
.
Human
Correct article usage
The human
show examples
 brain needs rest to
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
operate effectively. Creating work-life balance
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 ensures more
productivity
Use synonyms
 from
employee
Correct article usage
the employee
show examples
 side.
In contrast
Linking Words
, working long
hours
Use synonyms
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
show examples
 fatigue
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 results
less
Change preposition
in less
show examples
productivity
Use synonyms
, and in the long run,
employees
Use synonyms
suffers
Correct subject-verb agreement
suffer
show examples
 from various diseases
due to
Linking Words
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of movements and physical exercise
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 create extra responsibility for the
government
Use synonyms
 to look after the residents of Bangladesh. I am a firm believer that business
week
Use synonyms
 should be shorter than longer to create work-life balance and to increase the
productivity
Use synonyms
 of working classes.
Use synonyms
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 have to play a significant role, like introducing new laws in reducing working
hours
Use synonyms
, which
force
Correct subject-verb agreement
forces
show examples
 private
organizations
Change the spelling
organisations
show examples
 to work within
this
Linking Words
 framework
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
employees
Use synonyms
 have more output than before.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
For task response, state your view clearly at the start and finish, add a short plan, and give more solid facts or steps to show how a shorter week could work.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, break ideas into clear parts. Use topic sentences, link words, and one main idea per paragraph to guide the reader.
strength
The writer shows a clear view that a shorter week can help health and life balance.
strength
The essay uses local facts about Bangladesh to make the point feel real.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • motivation
  • mental well-being
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
  • pollution levels
  • traffic congestion
  • consumer spending
  • economic implications
  • leisure and service sectors
What to do next:
Look at other essays: