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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? #people #money #future

Nowadays, many sociologists study various social issues. It is claimed that
everyone
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, especially young people, has to save part of their income for their
future
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 needs. We cannot deny that saving
money
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in
Use the right word
is
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 really essential for
everyone
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. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement to a large extent, and I am going to elaborate on
this
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 in the following paragraphs.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
everyone
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 should save
money
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 to improve their financial security and stability.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 attitude helps individuals to manage all their expenses in their lives and reduce the amount of unnecessary expenditures and consumerism.
Therefore
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, they can be more independent during difficulties in their
future
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.
Similarly
Linking Words
, strong financial savings can reduce their stress to fulfil their major dreams,
such
Linking Words
 as buying their house and car.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they will probably live calmly, and they have better mental health and life satisfaction.
Additionally
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, when people get older, they might need extra
money
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 for their retirement period and their diseases. During
this
Linking Words
 period, they have enough time to travel and enjoy their experience to make marvellous memories for themselves.
As a consequence
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, they need a good financial situation to explore the world.
Likewise
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, some chronic diseases are more common in adulthood. They not only have to pay
money
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 for the healthcare system, but they
also
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 have to purchase various medicines.
Hence
Linking Words
, they can support themselves in the
future
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 by saving
money
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 at a younger age. In conclusion,
although
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 spending
money
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 at a younger age is really pleasant for
everyone
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, they have to consider their
future
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 situations, like their illnesses, loneliness, and dreams. I recommend that
everyone
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sets
Wrong verb form
set
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 aside half of their income for investing in high-profit activities to earn much more
money
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 in their
future
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, and meet their adulthood needs.

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task
State your view in the first line and keep it to the end. Add strong reasons and real life examples for each point. End with a short line that repeats your view.
coherence
One big idea in each paragraph. Use clear links to show order or why. Keep sentences short and do not repeat the same idea.
idea
Clear view on saving money.
structure
Good use of linking words between sentences.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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